Posts Tagged ‘mental aspect of running’

My runs.  They’re improving.  Why?  I think it’s a mixture of
1. Taking that 2-week break
2. Removing quality runs, thus taking all the pressure off and
3. Getting laid on a regular basis

OK, well maybe not that last one, but it sure has lifted my general mood.  As for the break, soon after I was back on the roads, I thought “That was very nice, but didn’t really do anything for my running”  but now I’m thinking it might be the catalyst for what’s going on.

Perhaps it’s like running higher mileage, that you see the fruits of it appear a couple cycles down the road.  Who’s to say the effects of a break wouldn’t be slightly delayed as well?  Might be totally bogus and have nothing directly to do with my current progress, but if nothing else, it gave me permission to do #2 on that list without fear of regressing.

Another interesting and positive thing is that I weigh 119, as I have for the last couple months.  The whole appetite-quashing experiment started because I wanted to get back to 115 (my weight over the winter) to eek out as much speed as I could but I was getting hungry at night while not wanting to count calories or be strict about dieting.

But if I’m getting faster at this heavier weight and it doesn’t give me the evening munchies, then screw it!  I’ll save 115 for its original and proper purpose: racing.  All I ever cared about with the weight thing was making progress and since it appears I now am (and can still fit in my tight jeans) it’s all good.

Now For The Runs…
As mentioned in last week’s post, my average pace that week was 8:10, something I hadn’t previously clocked without quality runs in the mix.  Also if you remember, I wore my HR monitor once to make sure I wasn’t racing my runs, which showed 77% HRR on an 8:03 run, perfectly respectable aerobic pacing.  Well…it was even better this week.

First off, here are the last 7 days:
Mon: Off
Tues: 9@8:14
Wed: 8@8:05
Thur: 9@8:20
Fri:  9@8:00
Sat:  14@8:09
Sun: 11@8:00
Total: 60 miles (avg pace 8:08)

Btw, when you don’t have any quality workouts, you don’t need recovery runs so if you look at these last couple weeks and wonder “where are the slow runs?” I just didn’t need any.  Trust me, if I need one I’ll do it but I won’t add one in unwarranted – the rest day has been providing adequate recovery.

Now lets talk about my last 3 runs, all of them notable:

Friday
What’s weird about Friday is that it was the warmest day of the year so far (72 degrees) and that’s usually a performance hit for me right off the bat.  I pared down to a sports bra and shorts, but because I’m a little shy about the first shirtless run of the year (because there are only a few other chicks out there who wear sports bras)  I ran faster from the get-go.  It’s a silly thought pattern that goes “If I’m gonna run nekkid, I better look the part”  So miles 2-4 averaged 7:41.  That was great until…

I got dehydrated during mile 4.  The fountains haven’t been installed yet so I knew I was somewhat screwed.  I made myself slow down and turned around early to make it a 9 instead of the planned 10.  As I was coming back, I felt like I was seriously trudging, like 8:30s, plus I was running into a headwind, so when I glanced at my Garmin and saw I was going 8:00 to 8:05s, it was genuinely freaky.  I stopped at the bathrooms (one mile from my house), drank from the sink and resumed, the last mile my slowest.

Saturday
Since Saturday is date night which always continues through the following afternoon (happy sigh) I’ve started doing my LRs on Saturday so I have less miles to fit in on Sunday.  I had planned to do 13 but it was so beautiful (mid-50s again) that I added an extra mile making it the longest run I’ve done since January.  I began at a conservative pace (first 3 miles averaged 8:40s) thinking this would indeed be the week’s slow run, but as I warmed up, it became an unexpected progression run, getting down to a couple miles at 7:30.  I really didn’t know where that came from.

Sunday – Another Effort Check
After Friday’s weird fast run and Saturday’s progression surprise, I needed to again check that I wasn’t perceiving myself as running easy but in actuality working too hard, so I wore the Heart Rate monitor.  Um…wow.  11 miles averaging 8:00/mi, HR was 159 (74% HRR), even better than the previous week’s test.  This means that whatever’s happening under my skin isn’t a fakeout and I’m not racing my runs at all – it’s the real deal.  Exciting!

The Racing Situation
With all this happy running going on, I had a really weird thought the other day. What if I don’t race again till next Fall?

My plans were to do a 5K in April and the Broad St. 10-miler in May.  The latter would be a huge PR no matter what since I haven’t run a 10-mile race in a couple years.  BUT, I’m also thinking why ruin this time of delight and peaceful running by getting myself worked up with performance angst?  I want to be hungry to race, not do it because I think I should or to get a PR by default.

So I haven’t made a decision yet but it’s a real possibility.  I’m considering continuing this no-training way through the summer, keeping the mileage between 60-70mpw, sharpening in the Fall and then have a coming-out party with the (previously named) Philadelphia Distance Run in September.

Whatever happens, I’m having one of my most satisfying running periods right now.  No day is a bad day. Can’t beat that with a stick.

First off, thank you many times over for all the great blog/facebook/forum comments and emails.  From stories of similar situations with successful endings to those currently adrift in the same boat as me, I’m blessed to have such support.  Twas a busy post, too: 323 unique visitors on Tuesday, a usual day is around 220.  Something about life sucking gets a lot of eyeballs.

I suppose what I really sought from that post was permission to lay off a bit.  I know that sounds ludicrous, I’m a big girl with a working brain, but somehow the idea of  “you can chill some, it’s ok” was not meshing with my inner prejudiced “man-up” “don’t be such a wuss” voices.

In a strange coincidence, the same day I posted that last entry, an article was published on Running Competitor addressing my worries in a freakily specific way (he must have known someone was going through runnerpause that day).  Check it out: Feeling Fried? Enjoy Your Training & Avoid Burnout by Matt Fitzgerald.

“…whereas runners typically focus on training for improvement and simply trust that they will enjoy their training if they train properly, new research on the role of the brain in exercise suggests that we may be better off doing the opposite: prioritizing enjoyment and trusting that the more fun we have in training, the fitter we will become.”

So with the help of your comments and this article as the cherry on the sundae, here’s my training plan for the time being:  Week 1 – Week Whenever: Enjoy

I did manage to get those progression miles in yesterday on an 8-miler just because it was bugging me how much I didn’t want to do it since, of all things, progressions are the simplest and most laid back.  It wasn’t fabulous or surprising (got down to Half pace) but it didn’t suck.  I’m cool with that.

GIM Headbands At The Endrance Sports Expo!
My pal Lara and her man Jeff own GoCycling.com with the coolest bike jerseys and accessories around, really neat designs with city skylines or craft breweries on them. (pssst…”Like” their Facebook page to win a free t-shirt!)

One of my favorites from their collection

Anyway, they’re super cool people and they’ve done a few Expos or events recently where they sell my headbands as a sideline to their own stuff, which is great because I don’t have to be there or make a trillion zillion headbands as I would if I was doing an Expo on my own.  This weekend it’s a huge one, the Endurance Sports Expo at the Greater Philadelphia Expo Center in Oaks, PA.

So I’m stopping by on Sunday with my new man, Fran (yes, he has a name and it is Fran) for a first “these are my friends” and “this is my new man” introduction (oooh scary).  While we’re there, we’ll go to one of the free seminars offered.

Interestingly enough, Matt Fitzgerald is going to be one of the speakers that day, but I’m going to pass since he’s talking about his Racing Weight book and there’s nothing new I care about on that score.  Instead, I’ll be dragging Fran with me into Torbjørn Sindballe’s seminar Developing Champion Mentality which sounds right up my alley.

Back to headbands, I’ll have a HUGE array of new styles next week, about 15 new patterns and they are so cute! I’ll keep you posted when they’re up on GIMheadbands.

I’m In The Spotlight Today
I was asked by a very sweet blogger, Jodi from runjodirun, if I would be this week’s featured runner on her blog.  She sent a list of questions and asked for a few photos so check it out when you get a moment.

Kinvara Jackpot
I got my shoes yesterday and they fit me to a T!  All this time I’ve been modifying the Women’s version and hating on the colors when I should have followed my friend Heather’s lead months ago with the Men’s version.  I thought there’d be more difference between them but all I can tell is it’s a tad wider and the tongue is a bit longer [insert dirty joke here].   3 pairs at $36 each…Win!

OK, I’m coming clean…that last post was a fight to write.  I had some mental crap I was avoiding and did a pretty good job of talking myself out of it.  Sometimes it’s like that when you write a blog post, you reread what you just wrote and think “this is too much of a downer, let me look at it from a different view.”  Sometimes this actually works and you can end up feeling upbeat about the situation, but sometimes, it’s just a distraction.

So here’s the deal:  My running break did what it was supposed to do, repair a tired body.  But I also had this hope that I’d want to start training again for real (as in, woohoo intervals and tempo workouts!!) but I don’t.  Silly when you think of it, 2 weeks is basically a blip, why would I expect anything but the same mental game I had when I left off?

What I think I’d like to do (because I’m really unsure of myself right now) is spend the next few weeks running about 50-60mpw and just play it be ear, add occasional strides or faster portions when I feel like it, but for the most part, easy running.  This would seem to be a simple decision (hell, just shut up and run then) but I don’t want to get slower!  If doing weekly intervals and tempos gave me a tad over maintenance, what will “just running” do to me?

There are potentially 2 options:
A. I slide backwards (the likely scenario).  The question is how much?  And do I really want to chance this?!?
B. I maintain because maybe my mental game is what fucks me up and without the pressure, I’d be ok.

There is also a 3rd option but it belongs in Dreamland:
C. I get faster because my mental crap was so debilitating that running like a pretty pony with nary a care in the world was all I really needed.

Actually, my incredibly fast friend Meredith did C (minus the debilitating mental crap), stopped formal training for a year and “just ran”  ending up with great speed gains, but she’s gifted, so that doesn’t really count.  Then my friend Amy, another fasty, reminded me of her lack of speedwork last year, that for whatever reason she didn’t feel like doing it even though she knew she was leaving some speed on the table, but now she’s hitting some really hard workouts which she attributes partly to that break.

As for the coming months, I still have a 5k I’d love to do in April plus the Broad St. 10-miler in May so it’s not like I’m eschewing everything and becoming 100% hobby jogger, I’ll have to do something in preparation for those races, but it’ll be small (and I’m not going to do the Adrenaline 5k in March, another favorite race).

So bottom line, I’m considering becoming a 75-80% hobby jogger until I feel the hunger again.  I want to want to run hard and to test myself but at this moment in time, I don’t.

Peaks And Valleys
I said this a few posts back, but I refuse to believe that at 4 years running (the last year being a plateau, so 3 years of progress) I could have reached my running peak yet.  So if you at home are thinking, “Get used to the end of PRs, it happens to everyone”, I don’t believe it happens to anyone this quickly.  But we all have different routes and timelines to reaching our best, many folks have stops and starts, which is another reason I think laying off for a tad might not be so bad, like a larger shell for what my 2-week break started. Micro to Macro.

BUT! There is something that might be messing with me and contributing to a cap in my gains, whether physiologically or mentally (well, definitely mentally but maybe physically as well) and that is my history of medical racing mishaps.  I’ve had 3 of them now which is 3 more than most people will ever have.

It’s put a sizeable dent in my mental racing game but what I hadn’t ever thought about was potential physical fallout from it.  My friend Ewen posted something interesting on his blog about seeing his friend “get the staggers” in a race.  What gave me pause were a couple comments that mentioned Noakes (an authority on science and running) saying that crossing that line too often can hinder your running life permanently…shorten it.

So it’s conceivable that I may be on a different schedule for having been zapped a few times, maybe I could be cooked earlier than most.  There’s not really any way to tell though so I’m going to carry on as if I didn’t read that.

The Blog
I was getting all weird yesterday out on my run, thinking about this stuff and the blog, too.  I was noticing how much less I posted while on break and even now, coming back, I realize that without something to strive for running-wise, I become a lame  writer (not in the disdainful sense of the word, but the handicapped one).  That without running goals and plans and workouts, I don’t have a whole lot to say.  I don’t talk a lot in real life anyway – not that I’m a mute, but I’m not much of a chit-chatter either.

So I had this weird thought that if I don’t “train” for a while, maybe I should temporarily pause the blog.  Not just for lack of material, but to stop being accountable for a while, because some days it really does get old to report the same tired “I’m not improving” shit.  Sometimes you just want to not be embarrassed by a sucky workout or that you posted for the thousandth time what the temperature was because, even though you think it’s relevant to the workout or race, it just sounds excuse-y. Then again, if I’m not training in the real sense, there’ll likely be nothing disappointing to report for a while.  That would be fresh and new, huh?

Anyway, today, I’m in a better headspace and will make a real effort to fight the “what if’s” as they arise and try to stay in the Here and Now because really, that’s all there is.

Which ends this not-that-cheerful post but I’m going to click the Publish button anyway and put this mess online.  I want to get it out because it’s the truth but at the same time, I’m rolling my eyes at myself for being such an emotional goof.  I just wish I was getting my period so I’d have an excuse for it.

A few weeks ago, Coach A muse/Adam asked when was the last time I had 2 weeks off from running.  I took a glance through my logs and the answer was…never.  Almost 4 years of running and the most I’ve taken off is a couple one-week breaks: May 2008 to tend to an ankle injury and this last June after the collapse/hospital stay.

This has positive implications; I’ve been able keep at it thanks to my body behaving admirably – a lucky thing for such a late-starting couch potato.  But when Adam said he thought I should take a few weeks off after Carlsbad, a feeling of nervousness came over me and I dismissed the idea entirely.  A few weeks?  Such a long time!  I’m not a cross-training gal – I’ll lose all my fitness and turn into a fat pig.

That said, I’ve been mulling it over this last week.  It does seem slightly twisted that I’ve been in training cycles almost non-stop since 2007.  What’s a couple weeks in the scheme of things?  When I came back from the week off in June, I felt no difference at all, so two weeks off can’t be that drastically different.

Then a few days ago, I read this cool thread in LetsRun, which asks What was the most important thing you did in training before a big breakthrough?  A couple people spoke of taking time off (more than 2 weeks, one took 10) and coming back faster than ever.  I bookmarked the thread.

Today, checking in with Adam, he again brought up taking time off and said he couldn’t think of too many serious runners who didn’t take real breaks, saying “Paul Tergat was adamant about it”.   So I told him yes, I’d do it.  I asked if I could do some short runs during this time (because it’s scary to go into this uncharted territory) and he said he didn’t see the point.

As if I needed more confirmation (I don’t, Adam is the voice of reason) I just opened Jack Daniels’ Running Formula to read the section on Planned Breaks which says “Runners should take a few weeks off occasionally as scheduled breaks from training” and “Although runners are often reluctant to take breaks, most breaks are beneficial in terms of overall development.  A break gives both the body and the mind some time to regroup.”  “Sometimes, a couple of two-week breaks fit into an annual schedule quite well, but eventually a more prolonged break (four to six weeks) is probably a good idea.”

Obviously, I could use some regrouping, probably more in my head than body, but both will surely benefit. So this should be interesting, a new experience in this running adventure which turns out to be Not Running.  I won’t be doing any real aerobic activity though I might pull out some pilates and yoga DVDs, maybe take some walks by the river, keep a few push-ups and a little core work to keep the guilt away.  It’ll be good for me, no matter what.

Btw, Joe sent out an email to a few of us last week for ideas on the next Runners Round Table podcast.  Since this has been on my mind, I said I’d like to hear about it in an episode and much to my delight, that’ll be it: Rest, recovery, and aging.  It’s on for this Wednesday at 8pm.  I’m not participating in it, btw, since this is something I don’t have experience in, but am looking forward to hearing more seasoned runners discuss the subject.

…or whatever holiday you go for.  My family was atheist and agnostic Jews who celebrated with presents under a Christmas tree so whichever for whomever, it’s all good.

If you’ve seen my FB updates, you know I bought myself a Christmas treat the other day; a new laptop to replace the dinosaur I had.  Tip: if you don’t get points for using your debit card and your bank gives them, sign up!  You get points even when you pay bills online.  I used this latest lot for $120 of Best Buy gift certificates which I put towards the laptop, making it quite the bargain.

Anyway, in a timely twist, the very next day after buying the laptop, the power supply on my desktop computer died, rendering it useless until Tuesday when UPS delivers the replacement.  In the meantime, I don’t have access to my calendar or running program, but that’s cool, it’s like living in the woods for a bit.  With fancy technology.  OK, not at all.

Tempo Run
Did this today: 9mi w/6@Half Pace.  It was windless, cloudy and 32 degrees.   The tempo portion was a bust, averaging 7:14s.  Honestly though, I don’t care.  I’m tired.  Not sleepy tired or limb tired, just tired of caring so hard.

“Am I good this mile or bad this mile?”  “Will I suck today or be fabulous today?”  Enough, already.  I don’t want to dread getting out for hard workouts and lately, I have come close.  Of course, it’s exacerbated because I have a blog and choose to give you guys play-by-plays so when I do have bad runs I know I will have to say so.  But during today’s run, a peace came over me to where I was all “Que sera, sera”.  Because really…what else is there?

Let it unfold and work with what comes.  That’s my new motto.

The Poll
Thanks to those who voted.  The results were 84% for keep posting 3x/week, and the rest were “Don’t give a shit”, so I’ll keep on as normal, usually 3 times/week, but if I have nothing to say, I’ll hold off.  Actually, thanks to those who didn’t vote, too. Your readership is super appreciated, always.

Sometimes I really wish I knew what the fuck is wrong with me.  I mean, aside from the fact that I’m an obvious mental case who spends way too much time in my own head.

The Great
The great was Sunday’s long run.  It ranks up there as one of my two favorite runs ever.  The other one was an 18-miler @ MP+10% (it averaged 8:06s) back in September 2009 while training for Philly – a run so surprisingly effortless, it sticks out brightly in the memory banks.

Sunday was a 17-miler I took into the trails.  I had to purposely keep the brakes on for the first half,  my legs itching to hit low 8s but I was afraid I’d be pooped on the way back if I did.  The first half averaged 8:30s, 2nd half I let loose with all sub8s, averaging 8:14 for the run.  And this was my longest of the cycle.  Once I got home, I felt as if I’d just gone 13 or so and I’m usually tired the last 3 miles of a 17.  It was weird and wonderful.

Yesterday was a 5mi recovery run @8:43.

The Suck
The suck of the suck is that today didn’t actually suck!  But I started it sucking a day early.  I knew I had a pretty dense speed session (4.5mi of fast) so yesterday I was getting anxious about it as well as the race this weekend.  I even opened up that mental happy running book “Running Within” before I left the house today, looking for some straws to grasp to make me feel better about the bad performance I was sure I was going to have.

The irony of ironies is that if I’d used the watch part of my Garmin instead of average lap pace (you all know I use the park markers to keep myself honest), I might not have been so bummed.  Usually, the Garmin shows too much distance which makes you think you’re doing better, but today, it did the opposite, though my first mile did genuinely suck.

Target paces are in brackets.

Workout was 2 warmup, then 3xmi@10k pace (6:48) w/ 2 min rec’s, 2x.5mi@5k pace (6:27) 2/ 2min rec’s, 4x200m@ mi pace (whatever the fuck I could manage) w/ full recoveries. 10 miles total.

Splits for the miles started badly but got better 6:58, 6:49, 6:46.  I thought I was doing much worse for the 5k part (thought I was doing 6:40 pace) so I decided to cut those to .25mi instead.  Funny enough, when I got home and saw the actual times, I was right on it, both coming out to 6:28 pace.  The 200s are whatever since I don’t have a way to measure 1/8 of a mile out there, and the Garmin went wonky in the middle of those but by that point, I was totally beaten down mentally.

And I was debating whether I should share this because I really do hate that I’m such a whiner, but I figure it’s best to be honest, especially when the feelings are as strong as this.  And for the record, none of these are made up, it’s a portion of what was going through my head.

A list of what I thought out there

1. Maybe I should stop racing for a year
2. Maybe I should race a lot more
3. Maybe I should stop being honest on my blog about the way I feel
4. I need to ask Adam again if I should dumb down my training paces
5. I’m going to dumb down my training paces
6. If I weigh the same as when I was racing so well, why am I not racing well?
7. Where has my fitness gone?????
8. I don’t want to do the race this weekend
9. How can I get out of the race this weekend?
10. I know why I don’t race well, I suck under pressure
11. Why do I put myself through this when the thing I love is training, not racing?
12. If I hear “run without a watch” I’ll scream, the fun for me is the time element.
13. Maybe these faster paces are biting me in the ass
14. I should just be happy to be ok for my age
15. I hate that everyone around me is getting better and I’m trying but it’s not happening
16. I’m a weird person and need to get out in the world more
17. Good thing I’m single because if there was anyone at home, they’d want to leave me
18. I don’t want to do this for 1 mile, how am I going to do this for 6?
19. I hate the way this feels, it feels too hard
20. My heart rate isn’t even that high, WTF?
21. How can I learn to love racing again and not be afraid of myself?
22. What do I say I’m shooting for for this stupid race?
23. I hate that whatever goal pace I say will not happen.
24. I should ask people on the blog what they would do if they were me but I’m not sure I want to know

I’m sure if I spent a little more time, I could remember even more, but these were just on the top of my head.  Sucks, don’t it?