Posts Tagged ‘mental aspect of running’

The NYT had a timely article on recovering from heat stroke that about 300 people sent me in the last two days. :-)  It was debated on the forums whether I had heat stroke or heat exhaustion, though the doctors called it heat stroke, to some it didn’t sound as serious as that.  On the other hand, I had mental symptoms that are heat stroke related and not in the realm of heat exhaustion (hallucinations and blackout).  Not knowing any of the lab results except creatinine levels, I can’t supply information to say either way.

Regardless of which one it was, I’m taking a week off.  This is partly because of the article’s recommendation, but also due to the crazy panicked thoughts I had while laying there that first hour thinking this was a sign that I’m a horrible runner, an ego-driven poseur, and should stop racing, possibly even running for a few months.

Lying in that bed, I was devising a Plan B where I’d become a true recreational runner (as in, no longer racing) and how I’d just go out without training for anything, just to run.  It didn’t seem like the worst thing in the world, it even calmed me down, knowing I’d find joy in that, too.  But it was devoid of “special” which made me sad while at the same time, seemed what I deserved, given my quest for special is what got me in the hospital to begin with.

This stuff is embarrassing to admit, btw, because ego can be so ugly, but at the same time, can anyone who wants to win not be driven by ego?  Isn’t that part and parcel, no matter the level? Even if you remove the prospect of winning, our race times are our badges of success.  Not sure what I’m getting at here, back to the bed…

Out of all these contemplations came a few truths.  Like the fact that I’ve never really stepped back from training since I starting running.  I’ll take breaks in between cycles but they’re never lazy breaks, I’m always at the very least focused on mileage or doing something training-wise to improve.  Maybe that’s why my speed took a step back this past year, perhaps I got stale.

Also, when I had those hallucinations I thought I might have done something irreparable to myself, and later, when talking to my hospital roommate who’d been dealing with Lupus and Crohn’s for 18 years…well, these sorts of things give a new perspective.  Instead of thinking, “I have to get back on the road asap, I’ll take 2 days off but that’s it!” which was honestly my first inclination, I am now happily going to sit on my ass for 7 days.

It’s not about how many miles I’ll rack up this week (or won’t) it’s about being lucky enough to run and race and have all the parts working.  It’s about recharging.  It’s about looking forward to the future.  It’s about running as a way of life and not a weekly mileage/pace victory.

Of course, this Zen zaniness will probably fly out the window on Monday, when I start training for the PhillyHalfDistanceRockMarathonRunNRoll or whatever we’re calling it these days, but at least for the first time since taking up the sport I’m able to have these thoughts at all.  I consider this a win.

Edit: From some responses, I sense I didn’t write this post very clearly.  For the record, I’m still into racing 100% and not at all ready to become a “hobby jogger”.  And I’m loving this week off, letting my legs, ankle and brain get some needed rest.  And I prefer white chocolate over dark.  Wait, that wasn’t in there.  But it’s true.

Yesterday it came to my attention that my backup marathon, the Philadelphia Marathon, is filling up pretty quickly and I will have to decide before Steamtown if I should sign up or not.  I have no interest in doing the race this year, 6 weeks after my marathon debut, but it’s my Plan B in case Steamtown is a bust.  Here’s the question though…what exactly constitutes a bust?

Before my DNF of the Distance Run, I would have said it was not hitting my preferred goal time of 3:45, but I’ve since gained some perspective on it, so a 4:00 would be fine and fab for my first, if that’s what I end up with.  Over 4:00 however, I’d want to redeem myself in Philly.

I just wish Philly didn’t cost $125 because given a choice, I really don’t want to run a marathon 6 weeks after my first unless I have to.  I could go for the Half (only $100!) but I believe you can only upgrade to the Full as long as there’s room left.  I did the Half last year and I’m not dying to do it again and besides, I signed up for a sweet Half in the Spring, the Lehigh Valley Half, so I can wait till then for a new Half PR.

Decisions, decisions…

Now I’d like to address something I’ve brought up before and we’ve actually discussed, thanks to you, my fine blog commenting friends.  Yesterday I was advised by a forum friend that I should be conservative and instead of going for 3:45, should shoot for sub-4:00, simply because it’s my first marathon.

If you’ve read this blog for a while, you would know that this rankles me to the bone.  Why do people who have a difficult first marathon (or second or third or fourth) assume you will too?  As if we were all cut from the same cloth.  We’re not.

Lower expectations do not motivate me – that’s not what I consider fun.  I can appreciate that some folks enjoy entering races as training runs or like to race conservatively or to test the waters on a distance before going all out their second time, but that’s not me.  I race to race.  That’s how I get my jollies.

Nevertheless, as strong a person as I am in many ways, hearing these doubts about my first marathon leads me to doubt myself all over again.  Suddenly I’m poring over my logs, wondering if I was fooling myself the whole cycle (maybe I didn’t do the work I thought I had, maybe my mileage wasn’t up to snuff, did I miss some runs I don’t remember missing??) but no, it’s all there.  I’ve no reason to feel down about it, I just need to clear my head of all the lingering negative fuzz.

I had such a great run today, an easy 9 after an 8 w/5@tempo yesterday. I didn’t think it was going to be such a fun run, considering that the wind is unrelenting today and that is always cause for alarm to me. Not sure why, it’s not like wind physically hurts me but I seem to fear it as if it will.

So what was different? Well, this morning I partook of my local Library’s electronic resources and read a cool book online, “Running Within” by Jerry Lynch and Warren Scott. It’s about the mental aspects of running, stuff that usually has me rolling my eyes this way and that, because I suck at visualization and affirmation-type stuff, cynical wench that I am.

But this book had some points that grabbed me immediately, especially since I’ve been honing my skills at negative self-talk for a while now; during races, on training runs, pretty much wherever I can practice a hit of demoralization, I have been.

Apparently though, I have the power to stop it, and today, I did. Using one of the suggestions in the book, to write all the crappy stuff you say to yourself and turn it around into a positive affirmation using the present tense, I saw in black and white what I’ve been saying to myself…sheesh!

So, taking one of my bon mots, “I’ve stopped improving”, I wrote down this affirmation, “I’m a baby in this sport and have years of dropping times ahead of me.” Another one was “My posture sucks” which I responded with, “My form is strong and beautiful.”

No, I didn’t rhyme the affirmations the way the author suggests, because there’s a limit to my sense of irony, but what I came up with feels like something I can work with.

I must say, the book is extremely uplifting and makes you realize the dirt you tell yourself is just that, dirt. So today I was going to be running in my most hated weather, heavy wind. That in mind, I traded the message, “I hate the wind” with “I cut through wind like a knife.” And you know what? I did! OK, so maybe a 118 lb. butter knife, but it felt good, all the same.

Sure, it’s all mental, but isn’t that a gazillion percentage of running anyway? And as I was being pushed backwards on one stretch by the river today, I had a smile that would not stop. I felt strong and healthy and despite the hold the wind had on me, I knew it was a gust that would end and I’d be forward bound in no time. Not only did that hold true, but I had a really fast time for the run overall!

Here’s another happy thing that went on during today’s run: I’m an allergy sufferer and have been using Flonase (not because of it’s ultra-fabu name, but because my doctor recommended it). I’ve been bad with it, and not using it regularly because it seemed to lose it’s magic.

Then I saw an ad for a free trial of Veramyst which is kind of the same thing, but not exactly. This stuff rocks! I actually ran for a lot of my run today breathing through my nose, just because I could. So if you’re an allergy sufferer, go to the Veramyst site, they’ll send you a coupon for your first prescription for free (full-size even – $73 worth!).

One more deal; if any of you have Comcast and have had it for a while, call them and tell them Direct TV has been sending you offers that make you want to switch. Nick did it yesterday and within one minute, he got a “customer retention” deal that gives us Showtime, Encore, Starz and whatever else is left (we already had HBO) for $40 less than he was paying. Brain rot, here we come…