September 19th, 2010
If ever there was a report I did not want to write, it was this one. I don’t even want to think about it, really. I scare myself. Each time I have one of these incidents (it’s now “each time” which is so magnificently depressing) my tolerance for “look on the bright side, it was a valuable lesson” dims exponentially. But lucky me, I have this blog and many lovely people looking out for me, so I have to explain it.
The Girlies
Because this is going to be long, I’ll just say that it was a wonderful weekend despite the shit that went down thanks to the gaggle of wonderful girlies I got to meet, remeet and spend serious fun time with. Kat, Rebecca, Reyana, Audra, Loren, Sharon and Daleen are my kind of women: strong, funny, smart, surprising and loving. What else is there?
Couple of photos reposted from FB (unfortunately, not everyone was around when there was a camera).
Me and Kat waiting for the bus after the Expo
Brunch after the race with Reyana, Kat and Rebecca
Race Morning
I was excited and ready to roll. I’ve had a feeling of happiness all week about this race, haven’t placed much pressure on myself, even though I’ve mentioned a PR, my thought was “if I can, cool, if not, the next one will get it.”
A few of the gals met at my apartment for a last-minute pit stop (so great living a few blocks from the race start) then we left for the race. Loren and I were in corral 2, so we kissed the others good luck and got in place. I saw Esined from the MRT forum and we had a little hello, then I stepped back and got ready for a great race. Great race. Funny.
The Race
It was warm to start (the weather thing I use reports 67 at the start and 70 when I finished) but I’ve been comfortably running in low 70s these past couple weeks (after way hotter) that I wasn’t overly concerned. The first 3 miles were right on target, 7:08s (I didn’t stop at any water stops), though my Garmin was wonky during that time due to the buildings and the 4th split was marked incorrectly. At one point my Garmin said 10:20 then went to 6:49s so I was really playing it by effort for that first section though I kept looking at that sub 7 business wondering if it was me or the Garmin.
It had to have been the Garmin but I carried a bit of anger at myself in the later miles for possibly having run too hard early on. Also, I kept missing mile markers which threw me off further.
Water and Gels
I did probably 5 water stops which put a little panic into me each time because I really do suck at them, though I think I got enough fluids overall. I ended up grabbing 2-3 cups as I’d go through, though got only one swig from each cup. It definitely slowed me down but still, I felt I was doing ok on that score. For the record, you can be sure I was well hydrated to begin with.
I had a gel 35 minutes in and maybe 2/3 of another about 1:05 in (fuzzy memory on this). I nursed the second gel over a wide stretch since there wasn’t water for a while. It was the first time I’d pinned gels to my shorts which worked great except for the second one, when I didn’t realize I’d pulled the pin off with the gel till I jabbed my lip. Live and learn.
Also, I had a huge plate of pasta the night before and PB and banana on bread before leaving the apartment, so I was well covered in the carbs department.
My Breathing
My breathing was labored from about 5mi on, but it always is so I can’t use it as a cue of overworking. In fact, the reason I quit smoking pot last year was because of this very race, I hated the way I sounded throughout and thought maybe that’d help.
Around mile 5.5, Loren passed me looking very casual and comfortable and later told me she noticed my breathing when I said something to her but again, that’s how I am in these things. I always feel sorry for the people around me, as I’ve posted in several race reports.
That said, I did feel as though I was working hard around the time I saw Loren but doing a body check my legs felt ok and while I wasn’t comfortable, it’s a race and I have yet to feel anything but crappy while in the midst of one.
I thought I was slowing for a few miles but accepted it. I had written main splits on my arm (5K, 10K, 10mi) but didn’t bother looking at them because what was I going to do? I could only go as fast as I could go.
Friend Sightings
I was so happy to see my buddy Lara on her bike around mile 11 or so (she reports that I looked good at that point) and about a mile later saw my friend Kevin on his bike who yelled out great encouragement. I was actually feeling ok after that (I mean, within the race crap feeling) so I sped up a bit, which ended up biting me in the ass when I hit mile 13.
The Horrible Part
Irony of ironies, at the very beginning of the race I saw an ambulance waiting on the side and laughed to myself that at least this race wasn’t going to be one of “those”. Ah, hubris.
In mile 13, I lost control of my legs. It felt exactly as it did during June’s 5K when I collapsed. I describe it as a Road Runner feeling, the way he’d run with this legs behind him in a circle, that’s how it feels when I’m doing it (though without his efficiency). Incidentally, this happened in the same part of the course as that 5K, a treeless, sunny area that I never like running through.
When I felt this start to happen, I ordered myself to slow down, though I didn’t quite bring myself to walk at that point, I was scared and couldn’t believe that this thing was happening again. Then, in a crazy deja vu, I stumbled, just like at that 5K and again, a nice runner helped me up and I waved him on, though this time I was able to compose myself a bit. (I would have forgotten touching the ground, btw, if it wasn’t for the small hole on my palm that I discovered as we were walking back to the apartment.)
God, I did not want to, but I started walking. Honestly, it was about 1/4 mile left to the finish, so there were tons of people screaming and other runners telling me to keep going. It was overwhelming and depressing and scary and Oh look, now I’m crying writing this. I’ve managed to fend off tears the entire day.
Anyway, there’s all those people yelling and I just don’t understand what’s wrong with me and how I let myself get into this horrible frightening place and I manage to jog again. More fuzziness while I stumble up to the finish line and another nice runner man helps me across (I don’t remember how long he was with me beforehand, could have been the finish line or a bit before…so weird).
I’m genuinely scared to see the photos. Bet they’ll get a lot of hits on the photo site though, lol.
Afterwards
I see Rebecca immediately, I need some time to breathe, my friend Jenn comes up and says she saw and am I ok? At this point, I just feel like a loser. We take a finishers photo together, then I ask for one solo because god, the finish line photo is going to suck so horribly, maybe I can have one fakeout for the memory books. It’ll probably look like I’m possessed anyway.
Rebecca gets food, I can’t stomach anything, and I have to sit down so we find a grassy spot to wait for the rest of the gals. After 20 minutes, I feel nauseous and come close to puking but don’t. A bit later, I’m feeling like I can eat a bagel so I go get one. As I get up, Rebecca comments on how sweaty I am, which seems normal to me but then I look around and compared to everyone else, it is pretty excessive.
Finally the girls are gathered (great job to all of you!!) and we’re standing around, Loren comments on my goosebumps which I wave away, figuring it’s just from being all sweaty but I guess it was weird since we were in full hot sun at that point. A few minutes later (this is probably 45 minutes after I’ve been done) Rebecca says “your lips are blue” then everyone else nods and says , “yeah, they’re really blue”. OK, this is beginning to scare the crap out of me. But physically, I’m not feeling bad anymore.
What Do I Think About This
Well, I think it’s shit. I think I’m afraid of myself. I think all my Facebook pals suggesting I go to a doctor is a smart decision and I will call tomorrow. Though when I was in the hospital in June they gave me an EKG and x-rays and other fancy things before announcing me incredibly healthy.
But if you really want to know what I think, I think I did it to myself. I think it’s my own fucking ego again running too hard, that I don’t have a “red danger zone” button or if I have it, I’m not able to see when it’s flashing until it’s too late. I honestly don’t think it was dehydration this time. OK, so I didn’t get giant gulps of water but I did get it at enough places that it had to have been enough.
And yes folks, it was warm but if you’ve gone through this at 83 degrees as I did with the 5K (and running much harder, mind you) 70 is nothing, plus I’ve been doing all my tempos and intervals in warmer weather than this.
So I feel like an utter wuss as a racer and at the same time too strong/stubborn for my own good. I guess it’s the same way I’m an extremely introverted extrovert. Life throws those weird combinations of tricks to confuse you, I guess.
The Finish Time
1:36:13. The time means nothing to me, I don’t care about it one bit, it doesn’t make me sad or unhappy, it just is. It was the “incident”, the weakness that troubles me so much. It’s making me really scared to race – do I have to take everything easy from now on? What kind of racing is that?
I stopped crying btw, soon after I wrote that I started, so you know, I’ll get through this. It’s just one more interesting race report. Hah! Like I need another one of these ridiculous things.
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repeat after me: i am not a wuss ass! repeat often please. i seriously am in awe of your running and racing. other than the scary falling it sounds like you had a great race. your time is way impressive, even if you didn’t have to do some walking. so keep your head up.
p.s. can i be a part of your gaggle of girls?! when’s the next big race in philly? i am SO there
Flo, this made me sad to read. Primarily because you’re blaming yourself for something that sounds physiological, not mental. People’s lips don’t turn blue 45 minutes after a race for reasons of mental weakness. I also tend to believe in the “central governor” theory of running — your brain is going to make you slow to down to protect other organs (including itself) before you get to a point where you’ve irrevocably put them in danger.
I’m on the side of seeking a medical explanation. Maybe it’s something incredibly basic and easily fixed, like you’re prone to electrolyte imbalances or something (I’m talking out of my ass from a medical standpoint, but you get my drift).
You sometimes collapse in races. That’s a big problem. I hope you sort it out soon.
I agree with Julie. I know a lot of runners. Loren knows a lot of runners. We both have way too many years of running between the 2 of us than we’d care to admit, with egos that would make yours seems non existent. This isn’t you’re ego honey, something else is up so I’m glad you’re going to get it checked.
Sorry this was such a short weekend, let’s plan another spring fling.
Flo, I am just glad you’re OK. I was really scared for you when I saw you starting to sag, stumble and almost go down 15 feet from the finish. Thank goodness that guy was there to bolster you. I was sure I’d find you at medical, which is where I headed. Owing to the fact I’d been stationed in the VIP area and had the special orange dot on my name tag I had some kind of marginal pull and the security guards willingly pulled aside the barriers for me to get through to you. I was relieved to find you on your feet and totally coherent.
Whether you attribute this to mental/emotional or physical I am glad you’re going to check out a doctor. Probably would be wise to seek out someone with medical physiology experience. Do they have GPs that specialize in sports medicine? Philadelphia Runner might have contacts, I call them to start with when I am looking for a recommendation. Doesn’t always pan out but it heads me in the right direction.
Hugs, woman. Be kind to yourself.
Wow Flo, this story is crazy. take care of yourself
awwww, that sucks. I’m glad you had a good little cry because struggling in a big race with spectators is the worst thing ever. It even sounds like you had a solid race going up until the last mile or so, which in my not-so-expert opinion, is very important because if you were really a head case, you wouldn’t have made it 12 miles doing well. Maybe you do push yourself a little hard, but do yourself a favor and find some health professional that is a runner or works with lots of them. There’s totally a difference in the standard of being healthy with respect to general life versus the limits of a tough race, and unfortunately the issues that reveal themselves only at your body’s limits are going to be the tricky ones to sort out. But I know that you are thorough and thoughtful and you will sort it out.
Flo: Sorry to hear of your deja vu. Also glad you have decided to check it out. I have come close to the same feeling, but I am too much of a wuss to push through it like you tough gals. Still scary, for us, but especially for you. {{{{{{{FLO}}}}}}}}. You know we love ya, freaky blue lipstick and all, hang in there!
“that I don’t have a “red danger zone” button or if I have it, I’m not able to see when it’s flashing until it’s too late.”
You and I have traded notes on this before — I’ve had very similar experiences — collapse in warm (but not hot) races with no warning, just normal race suck, and then the world turns on its side. I’ve also gotten the full battery of tests, and they’ve found nothing (I do still think you should get a treadmill cardio stress test, though).
As you know, I’ve just made the decision that I will NOT race in temperatures over a certain level, with that cut-off being lower for the longer races. I’d rather race a bit less, but with full confidence, than to always be doubting: “is this really just race suck? Or something more”.
Just a thought.
Having a hard and fast rule about not racing in certain conditions gets me a bit of ribbing for being a princess or a wuss, but people are entitled to their opinions. At the end of the day, I’m responsible for my own health and safety.
Yes, what Cris said, a treadmill stress test, tilt test, and echocardiogram. Your lips should not be blue. You make me fret. Don’t kick yourself. You did everything you could to prepare for this race.
Dehydration or electrolyte deficiency are unlikely, and heat stress (given that it wasn’t that hot) is not satisfactory for this sort of reaction. I’m not the right kind of doctor to offer specific advice, though I suspect a cardiologist is. I agree with the others who reject the “ego” theory.
Just to follow up on this, I do strongly think that you need to pursue doctors vigorously to follow up on any leads. If for no other reason than to remove possible sources of self-doubt in your next race.
However, as I’ve noted before, I’ve had identical experiences, and the final answer I got was that my body simply doesn’t regulate its temperature well, and I have to be a bit more careful than most. (of course, I also have a pretty bad case of Reynauds, and have alternated hot flashes and chills for most of my life – I’m a real joy to share a bed or room with).
You need to follow up on all possible leads, but you also need to be open to the fact that you may just need to be a bit careful in selecting when you race, with a close eye on the weatherman, and a willingness to skip the race at the last moment if the temperature spikes (as you know, I’ve made this call a couple times).
At the end of the day, running and racing should be fulfilling. Experiences like what you had today just leave you empty.
Do you use an HR monitor in races or otherwise. It’s a great tool to tell you things (in black and grey) numbers that you feel.
Just to respond to this — I’ve had the exact same experiences as Flo describes, and one of them came while wearing a HR monitor. There were no indications of anything wrong from the HR monitor until after the collapse (when my HR wouldn’t drop for hours afterwards) — and I wasn’t even within 10 beats of my max when I collapsed.
Well, I think an HR can provide a good baseline for an individual.
Besides, I was asking her
I agree it makes a great baseline, that’s why I wear one and though I have a love/hate relationship with it, I veer towards love more than hate.
Curious, have you ever talked to a doctor about the breathing?
Years ago I was diagnosed as having exercised induced asthma. Like, if you gave me a regular test on a day where I was feeling fine and dandy…there would be no breathing issues. (I was diagnosed due to having bronchitis) I’ve rarely actually HAD a RX for an inhaler over the years, but in recent years I’ve tried to make sure I have a RX on file.
I ask because last year I had a very similar experience in a half marathon where I staggered over the finish and got carried off to a medical tent. I ended up talking to a couple doctors who after looking at my O2 stats and giving me an inhaler pointed out that in a lot of athletes/very fit people the asthmatic symptoms are triggered by other things (pollen, smog, etc) – so combined with an aggressive effort – you end up not getting enough air in your lungs and, wham…there you go. (I believe some doctors use the term “respiratory distress disorder,” though it seems to be a catch all for people who have asthma attacks/breathing issues that they can’t predict otherwise.) I felt *exactly* as you described, though I wasn’t gunning for a fast time and backed off by 8 miles or so I was able to make it over the line before I started to stagger. I had blue lips, chills, nausea everything you describe. Its a horrible feeling.
At any rate, environmental allergy issues can do a HELL of a lot of damage to your running, and its not always easy to tell the difference between normal labored breathing and a decreased 02 capacity. Obviously, I’m just speaking based on my own experience but I know getting a handle on my triggers and adjusting accordingly has been helpful. I keep an inhaler on hand and use it if I know there is pollen levels are high (and they were high throughout the northeast today!) and its done me some good.
I hope you figure things out soon. You’re not alone out there
Thank you everyone, your comments are gold! I was going to hide out till tomorrow but AR’s comment called me out. I was just on the phone with Lara talking about it possibly being exercise-induced asthma and then got a message from my friend Jo who also had the exact same symptoms (excessive sweating, blue lips, labored breathing) and was diagnosed with the same. It would make a huge amount of sense.
In odd news, 3 people I know (two I’ve never actually met but know from online) saw me go down at various points today. What are the chances? I’ll post more about that on the next post.
I’m feeling much better because I agree with you guys, this has to be medical and now that I have a collection of incidences, it’ll probably be easier to get a doctor to take it seriously and get some proper tests. I’ll be sticking with my regular insurance first though, due to moolah. I’ll see if there’s a sports specialist they can refer me to.
Matt, yeah, I use a HR monitor for quality runs and have raced with one in the past but really don’t like the constriction of wearing it. Never saw anything weird or spikey on it, though.
I spoke with my wife about this (I hope you don’t mind-she’s a doc). She did offer an additional piece of advice. NO running until you see someone and get this figured out. It might be kind of obvious but I wanted to throw it out anyway.
I promise I won’t do anything taxing but I’m going for a recovery run tomorrow with Rebecca. This was less major than the 5K, so I didn’t even think that I shouldn’t run. I’ll take it super easy and slow, I swear, and if anything isn’t right I’ll stop immediately.
Between the blue lips, excessive sweating, and cold skin, those are all sounding an awful lot like some form of shock. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this crap. Hopefully the doc has some insight; something weird is going on that you can probably fix if you figure out what it is…
Hey GIM -
Pretty good time despite the end of your race.
I like Darkwave’s comments.
I agree with others that it’s likely a physical issue, rather than your approach to racing.
Getting a thorough checkup is a good idea (sports medicine would be best, cardiologist 2nd choice). I doubt they’ll find anything, but you never know and you’ve got to do it to put doubts to rest.
Just speculating: I wonder if you overheat easier than normal for some reason?
2 questions:
Did you ever have problems racing in cool weather?
Did you ever feel like this during hard workouts?
All the best,
- rovatti
Hi doctor! I have had some weirdness in a cold weather race before (needing to spit a lot without having a cold at the time) but I do find cold weather way easier. I don’t ever have any weirdness in workouts though, never once would have come near collapsing. Just your usual tired feeling.
I was reading about asthma and while I don’t have coughing at all, I am a big mucus producer in general (nice info to share, huh?) which I didn’t realize was the cause of asthma, mucus in the lungs (I did have to spit a few times today, btw, is that connected?). But that doesn’t account for sweating. I overheat easily but in this case, what bothered me most was not heat but the breathing. Also, that it lasts so long. The way I breathe it seems like I wouldn’t be able to get 8 miles in sounding like that. It’s that sound you hear when you know someone went out too fast and is soon to bonk.
Interesting stuff and very interesting comments (your blog is still so awesome) – Have a nice BORING
recovery run tomorrow!!
WOw, hey, it put the little winky guy in there instead of the semicolon. Your blog is even BETTER now!!
Lol, you’re the cutest, Mary.
Flo. I’ve no theories to offer, since there seem to be some much more knowledgeable people on here. I’m saddened by how you must be feeling just now. Perhaps it’s best to think of this as a setback like a running injury. It will be overcome. Meanwhile – hugs!
Sorry to be reading this Flo. Reading through the comments (and knowing a runner who suffers the same), I’d go with exercise induced asthma. Not sure how this is diagnosed, besides revealing the symptoms to your doctor. You could also have a “weak” central governor, that allows yourself to push to such extremes. Not saying your pace/effort was extreme, but your CG mightn’t be in tune with the physical signs of the asthma (if that’s it).
Anyway, I’m sure it’s something that can be overcome — might mean carrying medication with you in races – ventolin or something. Take care.
Flo, I too get exercise induced asthma, have tons of mucous and sweat WAY more than others. But my question is: did you switch out of your sweaty clothes while waiting for the rest of the gals? My racing friends around here joke that my MO is to switch out of my sweaty clothes as soon as I’m done with a race, but the reality is that if I don’t I get sooo cold (even in 85 degree heat), goosebumps and blue lips. And as far as your falling, I think you’re right, you unlike most of us can push yourself beyond your limits and in this instance you fell. Go to the doctor, but it seems like your only issue is asthma UNLESS you were in dry clothes with all the other symptoms.
You’re doing great in your training, it’s improbable to see great gains and PRs in every race it takes time for the body to adapt to the training. Your PR will come, maybe not in the next race or in the one after that but it’ll be there. If you need inspiration look at any of the elites… how often are they setting PRs? How often are they racing? They don’t race as frequently as some of us do because they know it takes time for the body to adapt to the training stimulus. Keep up the fantastic training and keep loving your daily runs, you’re doing fantastic!
I’m so sorry, Flo!
The PDR, in my experience, has always been deceptive in terms of the weather effects. Even though it’s typically not humid and not overly hot, it is very sunny. And the sun shocks you at around mile 11 after you’d been in the shade for most of the race, and when you are having to push the hardest. Your low body temperature and the blue lips perhaps indicate that there was too sudden a shift of hot/cold which is never good for the body. This is just my theory, based on my experience of that race and how the body can react to sudden changes.
I definitely think you need to see a doctor about this. There is something going out that you simply can’t just guess at, even though are a lot of plausible theories.
I don’t understand why you are humiliated. This is not your fault– you didn’t go out too fast and you had every right to push as hard as you did. You ran a strong race and your time is still extremely impressive.
Flo, I am so glad you have knowledgeable friends with experience and insight. They know so much more than I do, so I am happy that they are giving you good ideas about the possible medical issues. I agree that this has nothing to do with your being a wuss or anything psychological (except that you have the ability to push yourself to limits way beyond the norm/totally the oppposite of wussdom). Find out what’s wrong, if there is an answer, and adapt to that. You are such a fact-finder, I know you’ll get to the bottom of this. Hugs to you. (BTW, I was in Philly for the weekend with family, and thought about all of you racers out there. Now I wish I’d headed up there to watch — not to see you fall, though.)
Flo- Everyone else has said it all, but I’ll reiterate that we all know it isn’t your ego, and I don’t think it’s a lack of noticing that you’re running too hard. If that were the case, you would run too fast all the time (during your tempo runs, LT runs, whatever). Hopefully you’ll get this straightened out soon, you’re too freaking fast right now to be missing out on races.
Flo-It’s great you’re getting some good input here. I hope the docs can figure this out for you. Sounds like you did the right things when you knew things were going wacky. Glad you had some cool ladies to hang with. Take care lady and keep us updated. XOXO Jackie
Glad that you’re okay. I walked for the first time in the race around the 11 mile marker, and had a rough final two miles because of the sun. Wanted a 2:15, finished 2:20:00
Woohoo talk about getting some great insight from online pals. Never once would I have questioned that your issues are anything other then medical and as such your friends here all hope a doc can find a great solution for you.
Lots of hugs…..but I am certain a solution to this will be found.
Nothing useful to add, other than to suggest that perhaps because your baseline is so hot, it doesn’t take much for you to overheat in a race situation. ;-)
Seriously, I believe you’ve cautioned me in the past about throwing around words like “hubris” where they don’t belong, so I’ll bounce that advice right back you. I’ve decided the biggest problem with a race-day disaster (within the context of running, of course, since this is not an earthquake, accident, cancer, etc.) is how much it gets in our heads the next time we pin on a numbered bib.
The running Gods have been toying with you (and me, for that matter), which means that – sooner or later – they will show us some of the love which we so richly deserve.
Enough about you, Ron; what about me?
You too, perhaps, but you still have “The Hair”