Evening edit: My friend Lara came over and aside from some short, tense moments (nothing major), there were no super-weak legs or baby step weirdness, so all will be well. Back to the original post…

First off, sorry to my friends who replied on my deleted Facebook post this morning, I had poster’s remorse afterwards so I deleted it a few minutes after.

The deal was I went out this morning at 11am hoping for lesser symptoms but it was the same, jogging devolved into little baby steps to keep balance, to stopping.  I got to the park, turned around and came home.

I called the doctor’s office immediately but I’m a new patient and April 19th is the soonest I can get in there, even if I switch to a different primary care physician.  Since I’m leaving town on Thursday and it’s not an emergency or urgent care thing (I’m able to walk fine and my heart rate is calm and collected), I’m going to hope it fades away for the time being.

I went to the Post Office after writing that FB post and jogged a few blocks home and it was better, I actually felt pretty normal near the end, just a little shaky when I stopped.

More On The Problem
When I’ve had this in the past, I mentioned that I thought it was anxiety causing it.  The reason why is that it usually happened when I was passing someone; I’d feel self-conscious for no reason and think “I hope it doesn’t happen” so it would happen and then I’d wonder if they could tell or what it looked like to them.

Then when I had my injury, there was a week where I was scared to go down that little hill for fear of falling.  Weeks later, I learned that it was a justified fear, my adductor muscles were a mess and that’s what you use to go downhill.  But as I’ve mentioned, the downhill trepidation has come back, but this time, having no muscular reason to blame, I considered it a total anxiety problem.  This week in particular, I wasn’t sure how to adjust my body but some days were better than others.

As the week progressed, smaller hills were becoming a problem as well, places I really shouldn’t have given a second thought to.  I live on a downhill and the last couple days when I start, I’d have a little hiccup by the second block.  And the irony of Carlsbad coming up was I was no longer worrying about uphills, it was downhills I was starting to worry about.

I did figure out body cues which helped (knees up, heels to butt) but my mind was becoming frazzled over it – not even knowing where to focus while on a hill?  Please!  Now, after reading my doctor friend Dan’s comment in the last post about proprioception, I feel that it’s not necessarily anxiety, but has to do with real missed proprioceptive cues (which is mental but more like a lack of kinetic judgement rather than worry-based).

While allergy meds can interfere with proprioception (thanks, Dr. Dan!) and increase anxiety as well, my heart rate monitor isn’t showing any signs of anxiousness.  If it was an anxiety or panic attack, neither of which I’ve ever had before btw, it seems my heart rate would spike.  It was 45 resting this morning and standing around the Post Office, high 50s (and you can be sure my mind was one big ball of worry thinking about this stuff) so that kind of shuts down a panic theory.

So some of these symptoms were occasional but to a much lesser degree before this past week, so maybe it’s something I’ve had for a while and the allergy meds brought it out full-force.  Or perhaps the race+workouts pushed something in my innards over the edge. I’m sure it’s not related to overtraining though, I feel too good, happy and fit for it to be that.  In fact, until Friday afternoon when everything got serious, I’d been in such a great mood because everything was finally gelling perfectly (workouts, weight, a handle on breathing/allergies, beautiful weather), I was going to call this period my “Perfect Storm of Fitness”.

Lastly, and this is bothersome but I’m putting it all out there: my mom committed suicide (some background) and while I’ll always have a fear of her mental problems (schizo-paranoia and yes, this is why I consider I could be doing this to myself) the other thing I’m thinking about right now, let’s say it’s neurological, is that maybe she had something bad like MS and, fiercely independent as she was, didn’t want to live with it and that’s why she killed herself.

I had never thought about this possibility before but she wouldn’t go to doctors.  Hell, when visiting me here she fell on the sidewalk and had to be rushed to a hospital (horrible day) and I saw her arm had been dislocated years previously but I’d never known (and it was gross).  She was adamant about not wanting the doctors to look at it “it’s my science experiment! leave me alone”.  And there were those weird little calendar books, freebies that you get from the bank that we found when we cleaned up her apartment – every single day had the word “good” or “bad” but mostly “bad”.  I assumed they were her mood but maybe it was something else.

Tonight
I’m having my friend Lara come over to jog with me a couple blocks to supply an outside view of what’s going on.  At this point, I’m hoping her presence will either make it disappear (I’m just crazy and dreaming this up!) or she’ll be able to explain what she sees.  Hell, maybe I should video tape it…wouldn’t that be lovely.

I wish it was psychosomatic because I really can’t imagine explaining all this to a doctor without sounding like a whiny hypochondriac runner.  Funny how before this week, I’d have hated it to be an anxiety problem and needing to take some calming pills but now, that’d be simple and dealable.

Parting Words
I’m supposed to race the Carlsbad 5000 on Sunday.  Whatever.  I’m still going to California because I could really use masses of friendly hugs right about now.  In the meantime, I’ll continue to wonder how much of this I’m doing to myself, whether from a sub-conscious fear of success or race pain or a need for drama in my life…

What I wouldn’t give for a boring week right now but alas, ’tis not my fate.  From the joy of breathing to WTF is wrong with me?

It started Tuesday afternoon and occurred on every afternoon run this week, then on Saturday morning as well – that thing I’ve had occasionally where I get a hitch in my running gait and lose rhythm, feel off balance and will step weirdly for a bit until it passes.  It’ll happen intermittently for a couple miles and I run normally after that.  But this week, it grew and to an alarming degree.

On Friday afternoon, it was so strong that when I got to the park (1/4 mi from my house) I had to stop and find a secluded spot to jog back and forth until my legs would behave, it was like I didn’t have proper control.  I finally got it together but it took around 3 miles for it to go away this time.

I’ve thought in the past that when this happens, it’s me being mental, some hyper-awareness of my body that makes myself trip up, but it has never compounded like this.  Then I remembered I added Claritin this week as well as Quercetin on Wednesday so maybe it’s been doing a number on me.  Yesterday I switched to Allegra but kept taking Quercetin (which has no bad side effects listed but I’ll quit that as well).

So yesterday morning’s run had the same weirdness (no surprise since I’d expect a couple days for Claritin to depart my system entirely) but on my afternoon run, I get a couple blocks from my house and while crossing a street to beat an oncoming car, it was as if I was running through molasses with foreign appendages for legs – I barely made it across in time.  Shaken, I immediately went home.

Meanwhile, and perhaps related, I had a sudden weight drop this week.  On Sunday I was 116, then Mon and Tues, 115, then on Wednesday, 113.5 and there it stayed…so I lost 2.5lbs in 3 days.  It isn’t water weight because I’ve been drinking a lot to compensate for the allergy medicine and my fancy scale would report a different ratio.  I’m also eating the same calories as I have the last 3 months so I don’t get why it’d drop off like that, but I made a point to eat more yesterday in case this thing has something to do with fueling.   Still, I eat before all my runs, even the morning ones now since I get out between 9 and 10am these days.

Back to today, I figure I must be better since it’s 2 days without Claritin, but I waited for the afternoon to run to get extra recovery time.  It was horrible.  I had enough steam to get me to the park but about .3 miles from home, my legs went to jello.  I couldn’t run or even do a slow jog.  I could walk but that was it.

Again, I go to a quiet area to really dissect what’s going on.  At this point, I know it’s not mental. I try different things like high knees marching, which I’m able to do and eventually I’m able to do a few steps of jogging but then my legs bend more and more to where I resemble a backwards illustration of Darwin’s Evolution – exhaustion without a specific source, no soreness, no pain, just legs of jelly.

I walk home and after a bit, try jogging from room to room and still have that leg melting/bending effect.

It’s been about 3 hours since and a jog around the apartment is ok now.  I guess tomorrow I’ll call the doctor and get my old Flonase prescription renewed.  Not sure if I should get into this with her yet though since a couple days off the allergy pills might be all it takes.  And I’m going to San Diego on Thursday.  Crap, I hate this.

My week

In my last post, I mentioned how vanity will forever preclude me from wearing Breathe Right nasal strips in a race – my race photos are shitty enough as is.  My friend Lara, a hardcore cyclist, remarked on that, mentioning she used nasal strips at the end of her cyclocross season and that it did help some, which admittedly, softened me on the subject since she’s a stud.

That evening, I started playing with my nose: pressing down on one nostril to breathe, then the other and much to my surprise, discovered I had one working nostril – the left one was completely obstructed, even with all the allergy stuff I’m taking.  I’ve been told in the past I have a deviated septum so that probably doesn’t help, either.

Anyway, I’m sitting there pressing down each nostril, then doing the opposite, pulling each one up mimicking a Breathe Right strip. The difference when pulled up was so dramatic that vanity was no longer in question; nasal strips were becoming a potential accoutrement on race day.

So yesterday morning, I’m searching old posts on LetsRun about nasal strips and see a lot of mentions about neti pots and sinus irrigation.  Now, I’ve always resisted the neti pot/irrigation idea because A) my gunk is so drippy I figured it didn’t need help coming out and B) I admit to thinking of it like ladies douche, that by my making the area so pristine, it could become a magnet for more bacteria.  Note to self: they’re both pink but that’s where the anatomical relationship ends.

The more I read about irrigation, the more it seemed worth trying, plus a couple of my blog commenters and internet friends use it to great effect, it’s cheap, natural and I can get it at the drugstore.  So I went to CVS and bought this nasal irrigator (like a neti pot but the squeeze bottle lets you add pressure).

Once home, I boiled water (distilled is best, boiled next best, tap water can turn you into a zombie) and when it was cool enough, mixed in a saline packet.  One use of the irrigator and…zoh my god, two working nostrils.

I was shocked at how well it worked and that it lasted for hours.  All day I was closing one nostril, then the other for proof that it was still clear.  By 5pm, my left nostril was back to it’s sticky tricks, so I repeated the process.  Apparently, it’s common to use it twice a day and then after a few days, use it once a day and eventually, just a few times a week – though with my schnoz, it might remain on a daily schedule.  I don’t care as long as I’m getting all the air due me.

So it looks like vanity will continue to rule, no nasal strips necessary.  One thing’s for sure, this week has been quite an eye (and lung and nostril) opener.

Today’s Tempo
Man, I was like a Greek Drama this morning, should I take some Bronkaid, should I not?  The pull of wanting to test a tempo run with my faux inhaler pill was great, after all, that’s why I bought the stuff.  Not to mention the pollen count is in the red zone, as usual.

But this is Day 6 of Claritin, Day 3 of Quercetin, Day 2 with the sinus irrigation and because I was spitting up crap before I even left the house, I took a Musinex (which I never take, another old bottle in the medicine cabinet).  I certainly had enough stuff in my body that Bronkaid would clutter up the “how’s this working so far?” experiment.  Plus, it was a warm morning so I didn’t need tricked-out HR readings.

The tempo went well, same as the last one a couple weeks ago (3@6:52), but the previous one was done in 44 degrees while today was 70 degrees, so an improvement, for sure.  Also, I only had one easy day between this and my speed session when I prefer two at least, but tomorrow was going to be windier so I went with today.

Btw, with all these air revelations, you might expect to see some huge drop in my times but I know better than that.  I’ve yet to see a big freebie from anything I do so I just figure if I can run a little more comfortably in races, that’d be cool. I did feel like my breathing was much better today as far being able to take in air through my nose.  I’m still spitting up crap but hopefully that’ll end eventually because, beyond the grossness factor, I always feel like it steals a breath from me for having to expel it.

And on that lovely note.  Have a great weekend, m’dears.  Happy running and breathing to all.

It seems I haven’t been getting enough for a long time but didn’t even know it.

The Mythology of 2009, Debunked
Spring 2009 is the season I always refer and compare to ad nauseum since it’s when all my short race PRs occurred.  That summer I had an incredible marathon buildup, a “can do no wrong” few months where I followed Hudson and kept getting faster.  Then, in September, I moved out from Nick’s into the Blue Hovel, 3 months before the marathon.

I’ve joked a few times about how my running took a turn for the worse when I quit smoking pot (that same September), but what I’ve never mentioned because I didn’t even think about it myself, was that it was also the month I stopped taking allergy medication.  Why did I not think that mattered?!  And of course, the marathon was a wheezing bonk.

I really think this explains my history of race collapsing as well (aside from the first in 2008, that was clearly dehydration).  Hell, my friends pointed out my blue lips after the Philly Half in 2010, which is a sign of oxygen-impairment.

The Past Few Days, Breathing
The Claritin is helping though still needs to build up in my system since I still have sniffles and spit, but it’s much less and my runs this week have been notable as far as air intake.  Aside from one purposefully slow recovery run, there’s been a real difference in speed and ease, like a switch has been flipped.

Yesterday before my morning easy run, I tried ½ a Bronkaid which was truly enlightening.  I didn’t even realize how much my breathing had been impaired till suddenly, it clearly wasn’t anymore.  It’s not something I want to take for every run (it raises your heart rate) but I thought I should test it before today’s speed session to make sure my heart wasn’t going to pop out of my chest.  It was such an air-ful-icious run that I ended up going 11 miles with several 7:3xs and averaging 7:55 for the run,  very un-morninglike for me.

As I ran, I had genuine incredulity over the difference in breathing and when I got home, as joyous as I was, there was also some sadness for all the angst and beration I had laid upon myself these last couple years that probably had very little to do with training.

Meanwhile, today I started taking the natural supplement Quercetin at the recommendation of Cris and Adrienne.  It looks extremely promising for asthma/allergies (people get off their bigtime meds with it) and also has anti-inflammatory properties, so a double plus.  I also made an appointment with my doctor, but because she’s a new one, I have to wait a month to see her.  This is actually good because it means I can see if these non-prescription remedies will be enough, though if I still need a bronchodilator I’d like an inhaler instead of Bronkaid since ephedrine is a nasty substance and is, in fact, on the banned drugs list for the World Anti-Doping Agency.

Today’s Speed Session
8.15mi with 6x(½mi, w/90sec rests).  I took ½ a Bronkaid an hour before (will only be using it sporadically but was dying to see if I’d notice a difference in quality work).  My legs were not what I’d call fresh, since the day before was 11@7:55 in the a.m. and then I ran 6@8:11 later that afternoon, but I was more interested in the breathing aspect so I didn’t care too much about the state of my legs.

One unusual thing was that I hit pace on the first rep – very atypical for me; despite always prefacing a workout with pickups, my first rep is always quite a bit off, but today I was on from the start.  Also, no physical awkwardness with fast running that I’ve mentioned recently, though this is likely from getting used to workouts and racing recently.

My breath became audible as the reps progressed but more standard heavy-breathing than what I’d call wheezing.  I still had to spit in the midst of them which was distracting but that should diminish when the allergy pills get more in my system. The session wasn’t easy, it felt like a usual interval workout so it wasn’t like I suddenly grew wings, but it averaged out to 6:34 pace which is an improvement.  Considering the previous day’s mileage and that it was a harder session than my last couple speed workouts, I was happy with it.

A few hours after Saturday’s 5k, when ordinarily I’d bask in well-deserved ass-to-chair time, it was so beautiful out that I went for a recovery slog.  When I got out there, slogging was the last thing my legs wanted to do, they were totally fresh and peppy.  I went 5mi, last 3@8:04, without a hint of having raced earlier.

Don’t worry, I’m not singing the “I must not have run hard enough” whine, because I ran that 5k as fast as I possibly could, but it indicates my lungs were the limiter, not my legs. This seems backwards to me since my legs are unused to running fast race paces – they should be the underdog compared to my aerobic capacity.

Whether that’s misguided reasoning or not, it immediately led me back to my race wheezing which, despite some of you lovely folks trying to spin it into something positive or normal, it truly is not.  And I make it seem like it’s primarily a noise problem because I can’t complain that it makes me feel like shit since everyone feels like shit in a race.  But now I’m saying it: it feels like shit in a way that seems like extra credit shit, that my breathing is compromised.  Plus, I’ve always thought there was a strong connection between the wheezing and collapses: whether from hyperventilation, encouraging dehydration or simply my lack of warning signs since, aside from a scant few races, on-the-edge breathing has been my “normal”.

Now remember after the last collapse, I went for a Spirometry test to see if I had asthma and the results were fine?  I accepted that as the final word since I didn’t know any better.  But Saturday, after my fresh-legged “recovery” run I started thinking about the wheezing and posted a Facebook update saying maybe it’s time to try an inhaler.  A collection of gal-pals chimed in with their inhaler/asthma stories as did my friend Lara, via email.  Turns out that it’s common to have a normal Spirometry result but still have asthma, several of those gals did.

But what was most enlightening is that all 6 ladies suffer from allergies and have allergy-induced/exacerbated asthma. I didn’t even know there was a connection but of course, now that I’ve been reading about it, allergic asthma comprises the majority of asthma cases.

I have terrible year-round allergies.  My world includes tissues all over the apartment, rumpled in every pocket and purse, handkerchiefs on winter runs, endless snot rockets and spit balls when I’m hankyless, waking myself up with a loud snore because my nose is stuffed…  I’ll just make this as sexy as possible: I’m a 24-hour mucus machine.

And how do I address this constant problem?  Ummm, I don’t.  When I lived with Nick I took Flonase because my throat-clearing, nose-blowing and snoring was too much for an innocent bystander to put up with, and it helped hugely.  But since I’m on my own, I stopped taking anything and don’t even think of it anymore, it’s just my regular snotty way of life.

So let’s see…I produce clear glue in every available sinus passage which inhibits breathing through my nose and drips down into my chest, yet I wonder why I wheeze in races. I’m an idiot.  And it doesn’t even matter at this point whether my problem includes asthma because clearly, the allergies need tending to and wheezing, I discovered, is a symptom of both allergies and asthma.

So Saturday night before bed, I was inspired and pulled out an antique box of Breathe Right Strips (which I will not be wearing at a race, vanity won’t allow it) and of course it helped.  The next morning I went for a Claritin but the 2009 expiration date gave me pause, so I bought a fresh box along with some generic Allegra to see which one I respond to better and lastly, I got some Bronkaid, an OTC bronchodilator (same effect as an inhaler but in tablet form).  Amusingly, its active ingredient is ephedrine sulphate which requires registering your ID with the pharmacist so they know where your meth lab is located.

I’m going to try to manage this without prescription drugs since lots of people have success taking Claritin daily.  Bronkaid (which I keep seeing as Bonkaid) is for testing purposes only since I don’t like the idea of ephedrine, which apparently raises your heart rate and can cause dehydration.  But I’ll try it on a couple quality days with an eye on the HR monitor.  If I breathe a lot easier then I’ll know an inhaler is a good idea.

5K Race Week In Review
Typical 5k taper week: last speed session Tuesday, day off 2 days before the race, short shakeout with strides the day before, then the race.  Yesterday, with some Claritin in me, I had quite the 14-miler, light and unfettered, no spit balls and only a few tiny snot rockets, last 6mi were effortless 7:4xs and the legs felt like springs.  It was glorious.

Despite not getting my “A” goal (a PR), this was a great race, my best 5k since 2009.  The race is a USATF Grand Prix Circuit Race and the MidAtlantic 5K Championship so it brings out the fast guns and because of this, is lots of fun with great energy and people watching.  It’s in Haddonfield, NJ, about a 20 minute drive from Philly.

The Facts
20:45, 1st AG (50-54)
81.54% Age Grade
36/409 Female, 212/922 OA

Technically, I was 2nd AG because that World-class lady I’ve mentioned before who’s also 50 years-old, won 2nd Masters with 18:13 which bumped me up to 1st.  Anyway, I got a nice plaque and a Brooks hat.

The Race
Thanks to all the positive mental work I’ve been doing recently, I’m thrilled to report a lack of any pre-race dread, fear or anxiety.  It was all about being excited and happy to race which is a monumental win.

Visualizations, post-its stuck around my apartment, a written schedule for race morning to avoid any “chicken with head cut-off” moments, and a  warmup I very much enjoyed (using this great article) meant my head couldn’t have been in a better place.  I even listened to music for the warmup, which I’ve never done before (though I almost always listen to music on my easy runs) but it was a great help keeping me focused and internal instead of looking at everyone else and getting hyper like I generally do.

As for the race, aside from some stupid woman with a dog I almost tripped over (why in hell did she/they line up so far in the front?) it went without a hitch.  The only weird moment was on a downhill, the thing I’ve mentioned recently about losing control which kills me because I used to barrel downhills without a thought, caused a “Whoa!” moment where I had to put my arms out to steady myself and brake a bit.  I could have done without that.

My breathing was loud and wheezy before I hit mile 2 so I tried to make adjustments to ease it, concentrating on exhalations and making “oooh” sounds but it was what it was, nuthin’ I could do about it.  I eventually told myself “Wheezing is the way I’m racing today, accept it” so I did.

Splits were 6:35, 6:49 (hillish), 6:38 and last .1 was 6:35 pace.  Note: This is my 3rd time doing this race and I always lose the same amount of time in that 2nd mile.

People-wise, a woman I see in my park all the time, good runner, came up to introduce herself which was cool.  And a shout-out to Christopher and son who had a great race.  (I hope I have your name right, I’m old and the memory sucks)  He came up and asked “Are you Girl In Motion?” saying he reads the blog…always a joy to hear.

Reflections
One of the things I’ve found especially helpful from 10-Minute Toughness is the Success Log you write after your workouts and races.  I don’t do it for easy runs but have found a lot of value in doing it for quality work because, while some days it’s very clear what went well or didn’t, sometimes you have to go a little deeper to figure it out – but there’s always something if you think about it long enough.  Here’s my Success Log from the race:

What 3 Things Did I Do Well Today?
1. Followed the warm-up plan to a T
2. Kept even effort and pacing
3. Never got wigged out or had a “wish I could quit” moment

Based On Today’s Performance, What Do I Want To Improve?
The downhill balance thing is a concern.

What Is The One Thing I Can Do Differently That Can Lead To The Desired Improvement?
More museum hill loops with emphasis on the downs, I skipped it this week and shouldn’t have.

Projections
Considering I just started interval sessions 11 days ago and had my first good tempo run last week, plus have 4 more lbs to lose (worth ~20sec), I don’t think it’s a pipe dream to think sub-20 could happen this season.  While it might take a May race (though I’d love it to happen April 21st), my fitness is strong now –  it’s gotta be a matter of just bridging the gap between endurance and speed. Easier said than done, sure…but doable.  And that’s all I need to know.