This’ll be a short one because I’ve gotta rush off to a narration job which, ironically enough if you read the last post, is about rhinoplasty.  I now know way more about that procedure than I ever wanted.

Speaking of  “if you read the last post”, I was impressed by how many actually did.  Around 700 unique readers, which is a lot for a post where I don’t go to the hospital or have some other kooky crappy escapade.  I got so many cool comments, both on here and on Facebook that I wanted to thank you folks for taking the time to read the thing and also, that I love how alike so many of our experiences are.  Makes the world a smaller place, for sure.

Training
I thought it’d be a good time to compare my original training plan with what I’ve done so far.  Because the weather has been an unyielding bitch since June, some of the workouts were adjusted, made shorter or slower, or run on different days to chase a cooler temp.  I also had the hamstring incident that added an extra rest day and forfeited some hard running.

Today’s workout was changed, btw, twice.  Adam noted that 6×1000@5k was going to be too tough, so make it 5×1000, but then when I cried Help! because the heat index at 6am was going to be low 80s, he took pity on me and made it 12×400 with generously long recoveries (2min).  I loved it!

Click on it for full-size.  The original plan is on the left, starting with July 12th and goes through this week.  I know it’s a bit confusing, just note that the workouts are written above the days and each week’s total mileage is to the right, outside of the calendar days.

For Ilana
Sweet Ilana lives in the cool recesses of Colorado and enjoys gloating over her 50 degree weather on Facebook.  She contemplates wearing a jacket and will be in snowshoes the next time she checks in.  So today, when I returned from my 8.5 miles, I wrung out my sports bra and shorts just for her – a nice, thick, white sweat so she could share some summer love with the rest of us whiners.  Goes great in coffee, too.

A little over an hour's running and this is what my clothes had to show for it.

And that’s it for now.  Gotta dash off and talk about Alsarraf septorhinoplasty and mucoperichondrium now, because I’m cool like that.  Have a nice Wednesday, all.

Formative Years Of Body Crap
I was raised in Fayetteville, Arkansas, a college town with an excess of gorgeous Sorority girls and All-American cheerleading types.  I didn’t exactly fit that mold.

8years old, fattest one in the class

I received a lot of name-calling in my youth, “Fatso” for my body, “Anteater” and assorted other bon mots for my nose.  Many tears were shed from grade school through Jr. High over my looks.  I finally got it together around 9th grade when I realized my passcard through life would be Brains.  While certainly not as satisfying as I imagined 5’8″, blonde and perky to be, it would do.

Reality Bites
It’s funny when I think that one of my most shattering discoveries about my body was after I’d left for greener pastures and returned home to Fayetteville for a visit.  I was crossing the UofA campus plaza to enter the Student Union.  The entrance was not notable in any way, just a couple glass doors with glass panels on either side, but as I approached it, I saw for the first time that I had cellulite on the front of my thighs.  I knew I had it on the back and sides, but this was a terrible revelation.  Every step I took towards these doors filled me with one more moment of unexpected horror as my dimples reflected back at me.

That stuck with me for, oh…the next two and a half decades.  From that moment on, whenever I looked into a full-length mirror, my front-thigh cellulite was the first thing I’d focus on (before shifting to the myriad of other body disappointments, of which there were many).  Happily and shockingly, running eventually got rid of it, which I never thought possible.  It was a miracle and why Running is indeed my religion.

The Schizo Body Owner
As I mentioned in the last post, I’d gone back and forth with my weight for many, many years – my high was about 145 and my low was 106.

I think this is age 17 before moving to NYC. I lost weight for the big move.

Must have been 20 years old here.

While I truly hated being heavy, I still managed to find positive things to focus on.  Pear-shaped, I hated my big hips but was grateful for an always discernible waistline.  I hated my arms, but my calves and ankles were pretty good.  I even found the grace of a clavicle or delicate wrists a semi-worthy consolation prize.  When the rest depresses you, you hold onto those bits and pieces like a life-preserver.

That said, while I hated a lot of it, I also accepted myself, I wasn’t afraid of showing my body.  Not one of those people to cover themselves up at a swimming pool or dress in shapeless clothing, I always had a strong sense of self.  For this, I’m entirely thankful and have nothing but empathy and heartache for women who are painfully ashamed of their bodies.  How I wish they could know what it’s like not to be so self-conscious and afraid.

What Running Did
Running changed my body completely.  In a very short time, I became an alien creature to myself.  I’m still not used to it entirely, especially because it was so unexpected and unplanned.  It’s one thing to lose weight and be smaller, but to have the whole package come out different is weird.  Fabulously cool, but genuinely weird.  It’s like I got an acting role as “The athlete” for a while.

Body Irony
After all those years of fighting fat and fearing getting bigger, I’ve now done a 180° – dealing with trepidation about getting smaller.

Because of my age, I have anxiety that I’ll look older and uglier, that my skin will hang and not snap back, that I’ll look too manly (funny how I despised my big hips my whole life but now that I don’t have them, I sometimes miss those female curves).  Anyway, the ridiculousness of it is that I can always gain the weight back if those things happen, but it goes a bit deeper.

I still hear my Ex asking “You’re not going to lose any more weight, are you?” and my friend asking “You’re not going to turn into one of those super scary runner chicks, are you?”  Well-meaning questions, but completely external and nothing to do with me, really.  My Ex was understandably sad at seeing the boobs and butt go but he also had major issues about my running (also understandable) which came out in assorted passive-aggressive ways and is a big part of why I left – yet here I am almost a year later, still holding on to those admonishments.  And I know my friend is well aware of how pragmatic I am that I’d never do anything irresponsible, so it’s time to let that go too.

Which brings me to…

My Revised Weight Goal
While running yesterday, I was passed by a woman in her 40s, about my height with a similar petite frame, who had the body I envision for myself: lean, muscles showing with every step, lithe and strong, looked like she could Kick. Ass.  If she’d have stopped at a fountain, I’d have boldly asked her how much she weighed – it sure as shit wasn’t 115.

I’d been thinking about revising the goal anyway, so here’s the dealio: 110ish…as long as it feels right and is easy to manage. Before anyone goes all Intervention on me and thinks I’m an anorexic in the making (no fucking way), here’s me at 115.  Excuse the ugly eel face, that’s me completing a damn good kick to the finish.

Because when you think about it, there’s not a whole lot that separates me from my competition (aside from those with more natural talent): I’ve got the body type, I’ve got the training know-how, I’m respectful of keeping muscle and running a clean engine, why not take it to the next level?  Why care as much as I do but stop short of real commitment?  Because that’s the only difference as far as I can see.

In a month, I’ll be 49.  I’ve been through a ton of incarnations in that time and I’m sure as hell not done yet.  So let’s just see how close to Athlete I can actually get.

As mentioned in the last post, one of my readers commented on Monday’s post “I think your (and Jaymee’s) thoughts on weight are interesting because they sound so matter of fact and not emotional”.  When I read that, I was taken aback, because I’d forgotten what it’s like to not be this way, which is pretty amazing since food ruled my life for so many years.  Not until my late 20s, early 30s was I able to make peace with food.

An Example From My Past
In the spirit of revealing things that are not pretty but you might recognize in your own individual way… When I was around 19 years-old, I had a dog-walking/dog-sitting business in NYC.  Because I was on a never-ending diet of deprivation, food was always on my mind, and I’d eventually pig out on all sorts of bad crap because I never allowed myself to have it. (no, this story has nothing to do with eating dogfood)

One thing I’d do is, when a dog-walking customer was out of town for a few days and I was hired to walk their dog, I’d always check out the customer’s fridge and cupboards and if I saw a yummy “forbidden” food or even something I’d never have thought to buy in the first place (a container of vanilla Duncan Hines frosting comes to mind) I’d end up eating the whole thing, then before the customer’s return, go the grocery store for a fresh one, eat as much as was missing in the original container, stick it back in the fridge exactly in the same spot, and they’d never know any different.

I’d do it with cookies, chips, all kinds of stuff.  It was pathetic, sneaky, and left me feeling disgusted with myself, so the self-loathing cycle would continue.  But I was young and oh, so hungry!  Not just for food but for all the things you want when you’re that age: love, security, beauty, confidence…omg, I just now felt it again like a wave.  Thank god for getting older.  Seriously.

My point in revealing this tale of compulsive craziness is that you younger gals in particular need to know that whatever you do to fill that void is understandable, even if it’s not healthy or sounds mentally screwy (or neither of these things and you’re better adjusted than I was, lol),  I just want you to know that I get it.  I get what you go through.

And it doesn’t even matter what age or sex you are, food is a problem for more people than not.  I just looked up the latest statistics on this:  73.7% of American adults over 20 are either overweight or obese.  Oh. My. God, 73.7%!  And then you have a whole other group of people with disordered eating.  It’s mind-boggling.  The bitch of it is that we all need food to survive, it’s not like other addictions where you can say “no more” and avoid it from that point on.  But I digress.

My Turning Point
I’ve posted this before in a comment or two and it’s worth reposting because it made such an impact in my relationship to food, the book Overcoming Overeating.  Whether it came at the right time in my life or just hit me in a way no other books on the subject had, it transformed food as an emotional crutch into what it really is: sustenance and a means of taking care of yourself.  Loving yourself, even.

Through it, I learned I could live with a fridge full of my favorite treats and not feel compelled to eat it all or any of it, for that matter.  I learned what hunger feels like, because when you eat for emotion, you rarely if ever get hungry.  I learned to listen to my belly and ask what it really wanted before feeding it, the better to be truly satisfied.  Potential life-altering stuff (was for me, anyway) so worth a read if any of that speaks to you.

How I Am Now
Decades of dieting plus one major shot of self-discovery later, I finally ended up at a nice weight that hasn’t changed much in the last 16 years.  I eat what I want within reason and have no fear of crap food.  I’ll still go through stages like my cookie-chomping period after Boston, but it’s never out of control.

That said, I’m not a complete robot with food or I’d always be perfect race weight instead of half-heartedly trying to lose this handful since last Fall.  But there is something to be said for Need and I obviously haven’t felt enough need to really make the effort until now.  Funny thing is that now it isn’t requiring any effort at all and the weight’s coming off at a good clip.

I’m in a really straight headspace and it’s true that for the most part, there is very little emotion involved, it’s like following an extra training schedule.   But at the same time, I’m finding lots of emotion in it – good emotion.  I’m feeding myself with food that brings me happiness, varying my menu to include fun combinations and making 1800 calories a form of entertainment (albeit in an easy-to-prepare way because I’m a lazy cook).

I’m more casual about record-keeping this time, though no less accountable, but instead of using Dailyplate.com, I’m using pen and paper.  I have a cheatsheet for stuff I usually eat and when I need to look something up, I use CalorieKing.com because it’s really fast and lets you enter grams, ounces, cups, etc. with a minimum of clicking.  Armed with my digital postal scale and a set of measuring cups, it’s easy as pie couscous.

Satiety is also up, thanks to Racing Weight’s schedule on when to eat.  That change alone has made a huge difference in comfort level throughout the day.  By partitioning the food more evenly, I don’t have those hungry dips and valleys anymore.  It actually surprises me to see 3PM and think “Oh wow, I’m supposed to eat something now.”  Excellent, important, and a habit I will keep from this point on.

Coming Up Next Week…The Emotional Body
I had a whole other section I’d written about body image and my feelings about my own changing body but the post is already epically long, so expect this installment next week.  Let me know if these subjects interest you folks, otherwise I’ll stick to Fun With Running.  I’m aware this is female-centric territory, so sorry guys, it’s just a couple of posts (so far ).   But also, if you have topics you’d like me to address on this or something else, let me know.

Fun Chick Flick Apropos To This Subject
Eating.  Here’s the trailer.  I saw it when it came out 20 years ago so I need to see it again myself, but I remember that it was entertaining, funny and an affirmation of the female human condition.  Btw, you can watch it for $2.99 at Amazon Video On Demand (didn’t know they had that service till just now).

Runners Round Table
Off subject…I participated in Wednesday’s podcast, so if you want to hear some nice jabber on running in the heat, take a listen.  And to clarify, Coach Adam is not the same Adam who’s been helping me out and whom I sometimes refer to as Coach Adam.

OK, have a great weekend and remember boys and girls, nurture your sweet selves, treat yourselves as best you can and above all, be kind to yourselves.  You’re the closest friend you’ve got.  Kisses.

Had a satisfying speed session yesterday, 9.5 miles with 6 x 1/2mi@5K pace, 2min rec’s. My schedule originally called for 8 reps, but it was heat index of 80 and the pace would have suffered too much for VO2max, whereas with 6, I could keep it in the right neighborhood.

I did this a couple weeks ago in similar conditions, so I have something to compare it to (the one two weeks ago sucked, btw).  My workout was infinitely better yesterday, my splits dead even and I was in control throughout.  They also averaged 10 sec’s faster.

A couple reasons this workout was probably much better than two weeks ago is:
#1) My new fueling regime.  I ate nothing before the workout 2 weeks ago, figuring the previous evening’s food would tide me over (wrong!).  Yesterday, an hour before leaving for the run, I had a slice of whole wheat with peanut butter and 1/2 banana.
#2) I did those Ryan Hall leg drills before leaving the house.  (I’ve been doing the RW exercises every day but didn’t feel like getting on the floor yesterday)

Btw, I’m keeping my interval and tempo paces under my hat for a bit so I don’t feel pressured about any of the workouts.  I’ll return to reporting all the dirty details soon enough, but right now I’m in a transition period so mum’s the word.

I Love My Fancy-Ass Tanita Scale!
Got it on Monday, and of course, spent the day hopping on and off to see how the numbers changed depending on how close to meals, hydration level, etc.  Don’t worry, I’m not an obsessive weigher at all, but it is a new toy, so the entertainment factor was high.

Turns out the old scale was off by a little more than a pound which makes my weight from July 23rd when I started tracking, 123.  So  there’s the dealio today:

Weight: 119.4
Body Fat (averaged over 2 days):14.8%

Accuracy
Tanita says there’s a tolerance of +/-5% accuracy in their scales compared to DEXA testing, which is actually very accurate (.74% in this case).   Edit: Blogging pal Jaymee had hydrostatic testing done and found in comparison with that, the scales she’s tried are consistently 5 points higher for women,  making that 14.8% which I already thought was suspiciously low, to be 9.8%.  That’d be insanely low, knowing my pockets of fat (and the electrical current doesn’t reach the arms, just lower body), so I’ll stick with the scale number.  The measurement is for trends more than anything, anyway.

Whatever it is, it’s a pleasure after having the Omron handheld analyzer tell me I was 24% for over a year.  I knew it had to be wrong, but it still managed to mess with my head.  In the Omron’s defense, it takes its measurement through your arms so maybe my arm flab skewed the readings, though I have a lot of muscle there, too.  I’ll give it to my friend Lara and see what she gets.

There are a ton of additional stats I could share, like Metabolic Age, which puts me at 12 years old (12 is the lowest the scale goes, I’m sure it wants to tell me I’m a fetus, but can’t).  There’s also a BMR reading which is cool.  It’s more generous than the online calculators I’ve used in the past, and seems to fit better with the amount I actually eat/burn.

Dry Feet vs Wet
In the Racing Weight book, he tells you to moisten a towel before stepping on the scale to improve conductivity, but the Tanita FAQ only mentions that if you must wear nylons when measuring “…use a drop of isopropyl (rubbing) alcohol on the foot pads to act as a conductor.”  Other than that, no mention of damp feet.  Some scales specifically ask for wet feet but since this doesn’t, I’m sticking to dry tootsies.

The Subject Of Food
Kristin, a wonderful blogger and smarty pants MIT student, made a comment in the last post that really hit home.  She said “I think your (and Jaymee’s) thoughts on weight are interesting because they sound so matter of fact and not emotional”.   This was pretty huge to read because I’ve spent the greater part of my life dealing with food as an emotional salve and going from fat to thin to fat again.   So I’m going to save this and more food talk for Friday because it really is a post a book unto itself.

So that’s about it for today.  Oh, if you find yourself in need of something to do at 8PM EST tonight, a reminder that I’ll be on Runners Round Table talking about running (or collapsing, lol)  in the heat.  Later, gators!

I had a good weekend of running, wrapping up a 61-mile week.

Due to some schedule switching, Saturday was an 11-miler with about 5.5 miles of tempo thrown in: 2x(15min@HP w/3min rec’s.), 10min@10K.   Yesterday, I had a 15-miler which I’m embarrassed to say around you marathon freaks, is my longest run since Boston!  I was looking forward to it for the distance and to take it to the trails so I could have that extra elevation/footing bonus.

The only hitch was that between the previous day’s tempo and 5½ hours of sleep, I was genuinely exhausted and certifiably dead-legged.   I really needed a recovery run instead of a long run, but I was stubborn about gettin ‘er done, so I took it reeeeeeaaaal slow.  Not that I had a choice.

The great thing was that even though I was too pooped to party, all my parts were working without complaint – not a twinge or niggle.  After 4 long months, the ankle problem is gone! And  I continue to do the hip exercises before every run – I can tell they’ll not only help with economy but ward off injuries as well, not to mention warming me up before I hit the road…so I’m loving them.

Speaking of Sleep
It’s getting better but still not great – July only had 3 nights of 8-hour sleep.  Also, I suspect that the one weekend where my HR dipped beautifully low was due to sleeping until my body woke on its own instead of my “beat the heat” alarm clock.  I’ll be thrilled when summer’s over and can sleep in regularly.

More Weight Stuff
The Racing Weight book has a lot of good stuff in it. One big change I’m making starting today, is how I time my caloric intake.

I’ve always been terrible about splitting my calories for the day.  I eat about half of them after 6pm (dinner and 2 snacks).  Dinner’s always been my “destination meal” and even though the snacks are healthy, I don’t need to be eating that much that late.  This is common wisdom we’ve all read enough times, but seeing his schedules of how to split it up percentage-wise made it clearer and looks sensible.

For those of you lapping up the weight talk, Jaymee (aka The fastest female runner I know) posted a great entry on the subject.  Also, on today’s entry she posts a sample day of what she eats which is cool to see.  I was actually shocked at the pro athletes’ sample menus in the Racing Weight book,  it looks like they eat hardly anything, whereas Jaymee’s intake looks more like what I’d expect a healthy athlete to eat.

Lastly, I’m anxiously awaiting UPS today – my fancy Tanita scale is scheduled for delivery, woohoo!!  Will let you know how I like it and what my reported weight and body fat are in the next post.

Runners Round Table This Wednesday
I’ll be on it again.   Joe’s hosting the episode about running in the heat.  I imagine we’re all pretty good at it by now, but I’m sure the conversation will be stellar and sparkling.  If you want to ask questions, listen to it live, otherwise, I’ll post it here afterwards.

Hair Bands That Stay On Your Head!
I ordered a headband from Sweaty Bands after a recommendation from a fellow forumite.   I’d stopped wearing hair bands because the Goody Stay-Puts were the only ones that would stay and even they required a clip behind each ear for stay-put peace of mind.

So I got it and, man…it works!!  It genuinely stays on your head.  It’s quite ingenious actually, what keeps it in place is (drumroll)….velvet.  The top part is regular woven ribbon from the notions counter, the lining is velvet ribbon and there’s just a small piece of 1/4″ elastic that goes under your head.

With shipping, the hair band was $20, but because I’m a frugal runner and handy with the sewing machine, I’m going to make a few for about $2.50 each.  I won’t give measurements since I feel kind of bad about giving away the company secret, but if you’re a crafty gal, buy one from the company and then make the next ones, like I’m doing (or not) .  Just remember if you get rayon velvet to wash it first so it doesn’t shrink when you wash it later.  Or if you’re lazy like me, get nylon velvet.

And that’s it for a chatty Monday.  Have a great coupla days, folks.  Later!

So those hip exercises I linked to in the last post are da Bomb! I honestly didn’t think they’d do much for me, they seemed too easy and I’ve never lacked in the hip-action department (let’s just say I’m a really good dancer ).

I did a sampling of them on Tuesday along with a few of these cool dynamic stretches, then I did the hip exercises before my interval session on Wednesday and by that evening, I was aching in places I didn’t know I had.  I actually woke up in the middle of the night with my hips screaming at me. This a wonderful sign! It means I really do need them. The more I think about how it all connects to the core and posture and lengthening of the stride, the more excited I am to work on it.

Revealing my Ugly
Consider this a public service announcement.  In some weird, twisted, masochistic way.