February 22nd, 2011
OK, I’m coming clean…that last post was a fight to write. I had some mental crap I was avoiding and did a pretty good job of talking myself out of it. Sometimes it’s like that when you write a blog post, you reread what you just wrote and think “this is too much of a downer, let me look at it from a different view.” Sometimes this actually works and you can end up feeling upbeat about the situation, but sometimes, it’s just a distraction.
So here’s the deal: My running break did what it was supposed to do, repair a tired body. But I also had this hope that I’d want to start training again for real (as in, woohoo intervals and tempo workouts!!) but I don’t. Silly when you think of it, 2 weeks is basically a blip, why would I expect anything but the same mental game I had when I left off?
What I think I’d like to do (because I’m really unsure of myself right now) is spend the next few weeks running about 50-60mpw and just play it be ear, add occasional strides or faster portions when I feel like it, but for the most part, easy running. This would seem to be a simple decision (hell, just shut up and run then) but I don’t want to get slower! If doing weekly intervals and tempos gave me a tad over maintenance, what will “just running” do to me?
There are potentially 2 options:
A. I slide backwards (the likely scenario). The question is how much? And do I really want to chance this?!?
B. I maintain because maybe my mental game is what fucks me up and without the pressure, I’d be ok.
There is also a 3rd option but it belongs in Dreamland:
C. I get faster because my mental crap was so debilitating that running like a pretty pony with nary a care in the world was all I really needed.
Actually, my incredibly fast friend Meredith did C (minus the debilitating mental crap), stopped formal training for a year and “just ran” ending up with great speed gains, but she’s gifted, so that doesn’t really count. Then my friend Amy, another fasty, reminded me of her lack of speedwork last year, that for whatever reason she didn’t feel like doing it even though she knew she was leaving some speed on the table, but now she’s hitting some really hard workouts which she attributes partly to that break.
As for the coming months, I still have a 5k I’d love to do in April plus the Broad St. 10-miler in May so it’s not like I’m eschewing everything and becoming 100% hobby jogger, I’ll have to do something in preparation for those races, but it’ll be small (and I’m not going to do the Adrenaline 5k in March, another favorite race).
So bottom line, I’m considering becoming a 75-80% hobby jogger until I feel the hunger again. I want to want to run hard and to test myself but at this moment in time, I don’t.
Peaks And Valleys
I said this a few posts back, but I refuse to believe that at 4 years running (the last year being a plateau, so 3 years of progress) I could have reached my running peak yet. So if you at home are thinking, “Get used to the end of PRs, it happens to everyone”, I don’t believe it happens to anyone this quickly. But we all have different routes and timelines to reaching our best, many folks have stops and starts, which is another reason I think laying off for a tad might not be so bad, like a larger shell for what my 2-week break started. Micro to Macro.
BUT! There is something that might be messing with me and contributing to a cap in my gains, whether physiologically or mentally (well, definitely mentally but maybe physically as well) and that is my history of medical racing mishaps. I’ve had 3 of them now which is 3 more than most people will ever have.
It’s put a sizeable dent in my mental racing game but what I hadn’t ever thought about was potential physical fallout from it. My friend Ewen posted something interesting on his blog about seeing his friend “get the staggers” in a race. What gave me pause were a couple comments that mentioned Noakes (an authority on science and running) saying that crossing that line too often can hinder your running life permanently…shorten it.
So it’s conceivable that I may be on a different schedule for having been zapped a few times, maybe I could be cooked earlier than most. There’s not really any way to tell though so I’m going to carry on as if I didn’t read that.
The Blog
I was getting all weird yesterday out on my run, thinking about this stuff and the blog, too. I was noticing how much less I posted while on break and even now, coming back, I realize that without something to strive for running-wise, I become a lame writer (not in the disdainful sense of the word, but the handicapped one). That without running goals and plans and workouts, I don’t have a whole lot to say. I don’t talk a lot in real life anyway – not that I’m a mute, but I’m not much of a chit-chatter either.
So I had this weird thought that if I don’t “train” for a while, maybe I should temporarily pause the blog. Not just for lack of material, but to stop being accountable for a while, because some days it really does get old to report the same tired “I’m not improving” shit. Sometimes you just want to not be embarrassed by a sucky workout or that you posted for the thousandth time what the temperature was because, even though you think it’s relevant to the workout or race, it just sounds excuse-y. Then again, if I’m not training in the real sense, there’ll likely be nothing disappointing to report for a while. That would be fresh and new, huh?
Anyway, today, I’m in a better headspace and will make a real effort to fight the “what if’s” as they arise and try to stay in the Here and Now because really, that’s all there is.
Which ends this not-that-cheerful post but I’m going to click the Publish button anyway and put this mess online. I want to get it out because it’s the truth but at the same time, I’m rolling my eyes at myself for being such an emotional goof. I just wish I was getting my period so I’d have an excuse for it.
Posted in 
Tags: 
Ok, I have a lot to say here.
1. You have permission to become a hobby jogger. Not my permission, but permission. Sometimes it’s what people need to hear from someone else before they can say it to themselves.
2. you are not going to lose everything unless you sit on your ass, start eating like shit and pick up the crack pipe again. It’s just not going to happen. Will you backslide, eh, maybe but I really don’t think so. If you do, it won’t be anything a week or two won’t get back.
3. THis mental thing. Yes, of course it’s really and perhaps you should treat it like you would any thing else. Look at like a strained hamstring or a tweeked ankle. It’s bothering you, it’s nagging, its a pain in the ass. Maybe it’s time to rest it just like you would any other part of your body that’s so nagging.
and this “gifted, it doesn’t count” crap. Of course it counts! You’re no slouch, Ms. Karp, not matter what you might think about yourself. You run at a national class age grade, or pretty damn close to it. You also run circles around people of all ages, so get over that.
This isn’t a mess online, this is what you’re going through. I’d just as eager to read about people’s valleys as I am
about their peaks. You can’t have one with out the other.
Love you girl.
I <3 you, Audra, bigtime. You are a wise friend and I appreciate every word of this. Thank you.
There is NOTHING wrong with taking a mental break. We are NOT professionals. We run because, though it sometimes sucks, on the whole we get more from it than we give. If that equation ever changes, so that the mental rewards aren’t worth the grind, then take time away and regroup.
I stopped riding because I was not getting enough enjoyment out of it to justify the time, effort, expense, and heartbreak I put into it. If running ever became the same, I’d make the same call.
You do this for FULFILLMENT and SATISFACTION.
And I think, even if you take a break, you should continue to blog (I’d like you to, at least). You can blog about your experiences as a runner currently taking a mental rest.
Why does everyone think you can’t have a running/racing blog if you’re not running/racing? Didn’t stop me:)
Great stuff, Cris, thanks for this as well. I just posted something on FB in reply to this post that it’s disconcerting when your idea of fun (hard training and racing) becomes a grind. I see you had that exact thing happen to you. I do love running for running’s sake so at least I won’t be giving up my saddle…er, shoes anytime soon, but it’s great to hear your own experience.
I love your honesty, Flo. So since we’re being honest, I’d think you were nuts if you didn’t need a mental break.
This is coming from a newly minted therapist! 
Cut yourself some slack and take time to revel in what you’ve already accomplished during this short career, and your new squeeze!
Yesterday I did my first interval workout in over 3 months. Just didn’t have a need for one until now, so I’ve been running 50 to 60 mpw during that time, as fast or slow as I felt like running. Guess what? I easily did 6 x 800m at my 5K pace (6:30). That’s exactly where I was back in the fall.
Take the blogging break if you need it, too. We’ll all be here when you return.
Hugs,
Sara
Whoa, you just did exactly what I’m thinking about! And with great results, too! This is huge, thank you so much for letting me know. Nothing like having an exact example to go by.
And congratulations for being a therapist now, what an fantastic achievement.
Very interesting read, Flo. Here’s my take:
1. Do what you think will make you happy in regards to the running. If that’s running 50-60 MPW at a comfortable pace, do it. Mix in some strides or fast stuff whenever. If it’s 30 the next week, big whoop. Running 50-60 or even 40 MPW will still put you in a good position when or if you want to start training/racing again. When I am not training, I very rarely run fast. I don’t like it unless I know it’s supposed to get me somewhere. I don’t even like it that much then, except on raceday, of course.
2. It’s hard to ignore medical stuff. I don’t really have much to add to that as I don’t know what it’s like. I think you have done a great job handling it though.
3. The Blog- again, do what makes you happy. You have an audience. Some will always come and go. If you feel like doing it, regardless of where you are with your running, go for it. If people don’t want to read it, screw ‘em.
4. Lastly, you are a fasty yourself. Stop talking like you just ran a 2:15 half with a fuelbelt while taking 6 Gu’s. And have fun. It ain’t a job. People come here because they like you. I will support whatever decision you make.
Oh Paul, how you always make me laugh. The vision in #4 got a loud cackle from me. As for the rest of it, if you were close by, I’d hug the shit out of you right now.
oh man, I can PICTURE #4. I think I KNOW #4!
Hey! Some of us have been “hobby runners” kind of, forever!! :P Honestly, I think there is nothing at all wrong with just running for the love of running. It’s what I’ve done mostly all my adult life. I do a race a year (sometimes) and did make it almost all the way through a marathon training cycle only to get sidelined with that stupid PTT/hammy episode, but running frees me. Frees my head and my heart from all the cumbersome crap that tries to worm it’s way and infest me like a parasite. Racing is great–meeting goals is awesome and necessary, but I think you’re intune with yourself enough to know that something, somewhere, isn’t clicking into place. While I would never be one to pressure you about writing, your blog never gets “old” or boring. In fact, I must say I was just about to message you and ask what’s been up, because there wasn’t much getting posted! However, it’s like anything else–if you need a break, TAKE IT. We all love you and will be waiting and ready. <3
And you are one of the coolest cats I know, so there’s a giant vote for “hobby runners”.
What’s cool about you is that you have such a huge passion for it even without racing, which I love. This, to me, removes you from the hobby category and in fact, makes me rethink my use of the word. Hugs to you, chica.
Normal to want to run without purpose! During college I only raced once or twice a year, but I would go on these amazing long runs through Portola Valley every weekend, and for me, that was the pinnacle. I have no idea why I didn’t miss purposefully running fast then, and no idea why I want to pour energy into running fast now. Life is weird that way.
Are you cheating yourself out of running 10 seconds faster in a 5K because of pushing the training you would have done at age X out to age Y? Maybe. We don’t know over here in the peanut gallery. But I have to think that making yourself happy with running right now takes priority over some hypothetical speedy time.
You could write about medical voiceovers! That’s got to be an untapped niche market in the blogsphere… <3
Man, I am loving that you say this, since I always think of you as Uber Racing Chick. To think you’ve had extended periods where it wasn’t your deal and look at you now, you truly are Uber Racing Chick. Extremely heartening. Lol on the medical VO idea. Um. no.
Sometime last year, I lost all motivation to run or train. I was starting to put pressure on myself to do workouts, and was frustrated that I wasn’t where I wanted to be. My mom gave some really good advice – “when the time is right, the motivation will be there”. I realized that I was putting things on my timeline – I wanted to be better right then, and only got more frustrated and unmotivated. So I didn’t push it. I rode my bike more and swam. I enjoyed my workouts without the pressure. In the process, I enjoyed things more, stayed active, and my fitness improved, such that when I did do structured tempos or intervals, I was running faster than I ever had, at an easier effort.
I’ve lost all that now with illness, but I’ve decided to let it go, and honestly, it feels good. I’m not motivated to train, so I’m not pushing it – the timing is not right. I believe that I still haven’t reached my potential – but it will come, if I am patient. This may be bad advice, I don’t know, but I think it’s ok to not put pressure on yourself right now. I think you still have much more potential, but perhaps it needs to be developed with patience with yourself. Maybe it means more cross-training or fun runs. Building up more miles. Making running fun. I don’t know. Just my two cents.
I do hope you keep sharing anyway – I like your blogs, regardless.
Peggy, that really does ring true, the timeline. Part of it is my age, I guess I always felt I was outrunning the years since most people start younger but your mom is right, if it’s going to happen, it’ll do it on its own time, not because I force myself into it. Thanks (and thank your mom, too, please
) Also, feel better, girl. Spring is almost here and some beautiful running is sure to be right on our doorsteps.
I don’t think that it matters that Meredith is a fastie. A PR is a PR, and didn’t she do that at two distances in a period of “just running”? You won’t lose significantly physiologically by skipping speedwork provided you keep a reasonable volume, and it’s not as if you will forget all the gait stuff either.
Oh, and at some level we are all hobby runners really, in the sense that we do it for fun or therapy while earning a living at something else.
Meredith does way more volume than me though, she doubles a lot and considering she’s a sub3er, what she does do takes less time than you or I, so in that regard, I don’t think it’s apples to apples, though you’re right, it’s possible that I could have some of what she has. Even a bit would be nice.
And yeah, we are all hobby runners, though I was meaning it in the goal/no-goal oriented way.
And on that note, I’m going out for an 8-miler now. Happiness.
I don’t think 50-60 miles a week makes you a “hobby jogger”
And even if it does, who cares? If this is what you want to do right now, then this is probably also what you *need* to do right now, which means it’s the right decision.
Also, not sure if this is relevant, but in your last paragraph you worry that you won’t have anything to say if you aren’t constantly striving for improvement. Not sure about others, but that’s actually not why I read your blog. I read it because it’s funny and relateable and I like your writing. I would not stop reading it if you suddenly stopped doing crazy speedwork! Just in case that helps at all…
Aw, that’s really sweet, thank you Heather! Hugs.
GIM -
I am glad to read your blog about this – you articulate things very well.
My situation is similar: 49yo, training for 4 years, peaked during year 3.
I tried a few things to jumpstart myself this past year, but have gotten progressively slower.
On one hand, I don’t want to stop running – I like feeling buff, running easily, and having something to soak up my energy (and also my NERVOUS energy/anxiety).
On the other hand, if PRs are not going to be possible, it’s hard to go ape schit with this hobby.
So, being in a state of confusion, I’ve been doing what I feel like: 45mpw on 5-6 runs with one workout, no long runs, and 1-2hr crosstraining. It’s a bit weird not having a training cycle or goal race though.
Anyway, I hope you keep blogging and posting.
- rovatti
God damnit, Rovatti, you’re supposed to have snuck out of your plateau already so I could point to you as proof that this is too soon for PRs to stop. Now I have to think we really are screwed?
I still believe it can’t be yet. All those people on MRT, a variety of different ages, some newbies, some having started so long ago, still seeing breakthroughs or just coming upon some for the first time, it can’t be we’re the odd men out. There’s gotta be something that, if tweaked properly, will get the show started again. There’s just gotta! ::stomps foot::
Funny your line about not being able to go ape shit without PRs. I’m with you there; despite running being a reward unto itself, the most fun thing is getting better and having proof to back it up. Without that, it’s enjoyable but not at all as exciting. Sure, the to PRs is inevitable for everyone but after 3 years of progress? Can’t be. ::more stomping of the foot::
I hope one of use works our way out so the other can tag along. It’s great having a counterpart, though I’m sorry we’re in this seemingly stranded boat together.
Things I tried this past year:
- running without a watch (I still do)
- short breaks
- long breaks
- more weights and plyos
- messing with mechanics (midfoot strike and more hip extension)
However, the less I run, the more my legs feel beat (eg these days my legs often feel like I did a killer hill repeats the day before, when in fact I did just an easy run).
What I think MIGHT help me breakthrough to PRs:
1. 80-90mpw with 2-3 doubles
2. running at altitude
3. running with a group
None of this is compatible with my real life.
However, keep in mind that the 50-54 age group is just around the corner. Maybe I’ll just re-calibrate expectations and start a new set of PRs – if I can talk myself into it…
- rovatti
Not liking that your legs feel beat lately. That’s no fun at all.
I was lightly thinking of re-upping the mileage as a “next plan of attack”, I was my fastest at mid 70s but that was in marathon training, so it was full of workouts and no days off. Felt like a beast but it was hard and I peaked early which was not the best result. Not sure I have the hunger for that much intensity again. Though who knows, if I started seeing results, that might make it all worth it again.
True about the new AG, that’ll be great though it’d be nice if we were simultaneously getting faster.
Eschewing “official” speed workouts for a while doesn’t make you a hobby jogger. Sometimes I think all those narrow-minded trash talkers on LetsRun need to be smacked. There is no reason for every runner to train like Quentin freakin’ Cassidy in order to be a “runner.”
I throw my vote in the camp of taking a few weeks/months to just run based on what you feel like doing that day. Let some of the joy come back into it and get back in touch with why you loved it in the first place. You shouldn’t feel like any less of a runner or racer in the meantime… firing on all cycliners at full throttle all of the time is unsustainable. For Shalane Flanagan, for Kenyans, for me, and for you. Take a deep breath and let the cycle come back around on it’s own.
Hah! I always figure the bulk of LetsRun forumites are pimply-faced adolescents anyway (I know that’s not exactly true, but I enjoy the vision). Agreed, I think a deep breath is definitely in order.
i really really like this post. it’s EXACTLY how i’ve been feeling lately as well. and i even have a race that i’m training for. i think that taking a not-that-extended break after my last race was a bad idea so i’m ALL FOR you taking a “just run” attitude. i think i’d really like to but i’m totally scared to do so.
and yes, you might get slower while / right after doing this. but i think that once you find the hunger again that you will be able to tackle getting into top form and smashing prs and goals. you’ll be ready.
P.S. Please keep blogging.
I bet you’ll be back in the excitement of it as soon as the weather calms down. Your last race was such an incredible success that you’ve got tons of PRs coming down the pike without any pauses, I’ll bet. But yeah, I know what you’re saying about being scared to do it. It’s nerve wracking stepping outside of what we think we should be doing, for what we think we should be doing.
I think you’ll come out with a C or B. What you propose isn’t “hobby jogging” — I’ve been doing the same for the past X weeks and although I’m slow, don’t consider myself a hobby jogger. If you do just play it by ear, throw in some strides if you feel like it — I think they’re good value.
Plateaus can last for a while, even a few years, but your running life is young. I’m sure you’ll break through at some stage. Keep blogging. There’s always something to talk about.
Ewen, I love your hopeful words regarding my running life being young, I so want you to be right. And the idea that a plateau can last years is somehow heartening in a weird way, at least there can be an end in sight, eventually.
Forgot to mention the quote from Jason’s comment about Scott Tinley, who said “every time you compete you take a little bit out of the well until one day the well is empty.” I think that means “don’t kill yourself in every race — race smart and you’ll run PBs.”
Yeah, that one took me aback too. Made me think my well might be emptier than it should be at this point.
oh Flo just do whatever you want and it should be fine! I don’t believe you will become a lot slower and you a complete hobby jogger ha I don’t think would ever happen
Aw, thanks cutie. Hope to see you out there more, soon.
Flo, I have been feeling the same way also. I had quit running with my dog thinking she was making me slower. Waking up at 4:00 in the morning to meet my group at 5:00 and running in the dark. Which I hate. Getting a year older and seem to be getting slower. So today I grabbed my dog and went running. I didn’t look at my watch, enjoyed the beautiful weather, and running with my dog. It made me remember why I enjoyed running and It was the best run I had in a long time. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for writing something that I have been feeling but afraid to admit. What ever you decide to do about your blog just do what is best for you. I do enjoy your writing what ever you decide to talk about.
What a wonderful thing to read! Sorry you’ve been in the same mind-set but how wonderful that you and your dog are once again enjoying each others company out on the road. Btw, anyone who rises between 3 and 4:30am to go running has my utmost respect and awe, that takes supreme dedication, if you ask me. Hugs to you, Pat, here’s to many miles of fun, rewarding running ahead.