April 23rd, 2010
Edit: Crisis averted, it’s one day later, all is well, no more commiseration needed. :-) But thank you sweet friends!! OK, on with the post…
I’m suffering from post-race blues, but in reality, it’s not the post-race that’s making me sad, it’s coming face-to-face with my life at the moment and realizing there are certain large things missing from the picture.
My financial marathon is sucking big ones, I was doing ok for the first few months but voiceovers have been quiet, just a few a month and the stuff I’m doing online will take months to gather steam (aka Google love), plus I just spent a wad of dough at Boston. Also, to be honest, I did a lot of work at once and then my old habit of relaxing while I shore up strength for the next round returned, so my plan to work hard without any breaks has floundered.
I’m so unmotivated right now, but looking at my bank statements, I can’t afford to be. The other thing is that I haven’t had any neighbors upstairs since the assholes moved out, which is great, but with it, the need to change my living situation hasn’t felt as pressing – though it’s only a matter of time till someone moves in and I’ll be kicking myself in the shins for not having applied myself better.
And then there’s love, or the lack of it. I haven’t been wanting or needing any these past few months, the whole breakup thing left me happy to be on my own, and with the race to concentrate on, I was fine not thinking about that stuff. Now I am and it sucks. It’s not like I even want a full-time man around, I don’t. So what do I want, a fuck buddy? Hell, I don’t know what I want, the idea of opening myself up to someone new just seems too daunting. And honestly, I feel like a flawed individual right now.
The weird thing is, when I feel shitty, I can usually have a good cry and move on, tears come pretty easily to me. But right now, I’ve got a big ball of something in my chest and the tears won’t come.
Posted in Running
Flo!! I am so happy I found you again. Obviously, a lot has happened in your life that I wasn’t even aware of. And I have a feeling that is a mutual thing — my life has undergone some drastic changes in the past year also. I hope we can catch up soon. I hope you find yourself in a better place in the near future. Your positive energy and enthuisiasm were alway so contagious, it was a joy to be around you. I hope that we can meet up again soon. I am always in awe. You are a wonderful person and deserve every happiness. And you know what? You are right. You ARE flawed. We all are. But you certainly aren’t any more flawed than the rest of us. Give yourself a break, you deserve it. Love ya woman!!
Now that was candid. Flo, as your reader, I’d say the one thing about you that comes across is that you are a strong, disciplined person who, when she wants something, goes after it. Its only a matter of time before you get back on your feet. Just a shift of perspective now. For now, I’m sending you hugs and hoping you feel better soon!
Oh Flo you are right it’s the post-race blues. The love you had all weekend is leaving you with that lump.
Lady dang it just cry and get it over with will ya. I miss you too, but your online family is always here for ya. Time to give that financial marathon some love (you were doing great…you can get that back still)!
OK I must crawl back in my own little hole and miss my online pals too. :-p
Sorry to hear all the bluesy stuff coming from that end of the country, (especially out of you). I was planning to visit, but perhaps it would be safer if I waited ahwile
. Women just can’t help themselves around me anyway, and this might be really dangerous for one or both of us right now. JK, keep posting, and we’ll keep cheering you up! (But you’re welcome to call me anytime, just pm me for a phone number, I really am a good listener).
Aw Flo, I am so sorry you are feeling so down! (((you))) I am certain much of this is from post-race let down, but I also relate to that most uncomfortable feeling that your life is not at all what you wish it would be and you feel almost helpless to DO anything. This past winter I was struggling with very similar issues and often felt like whatever I was doing, I was doing it WRONG. I couldn’t keep my house clean, I couldn’t manage to figure out how to find time to paint so I could also make a little moola (which we could really use), I felt like a crappy mother and crappy wife. I just didn’t have a grasp on ANY of it and it only made me more unmotivated to act. I would just sit and stew in my misery. I think the only thing I can offer is that this WILL PASS and you know what? All of that stuff will be just fine. You are having a hard time right now and that is okay, we ALL do, be good to yourself and give yourself a break! You absolutely deserve it! More hugs!!!
Flo, I’m sorry you’re feeling down right now. I think you should go out and volunteer some time to do something to help someone who is not as fortunate as you… this has always helped me. You will quickly realize how truly blessed you are to have your health, to have a roof over your head and food on your table, and to have so many friends who love you so much. Running is good for many, many reasons, but it can fail us too when we rely on it too much to deal with “issues” in our lives. Or an alternative is to volunteer in the running community to help plan, organize or execute a running event… because after all, we do LOVE running!
((hugs)) i wish i could send some of my cloud 9 feelings down to you!! take a deep breathe because i do feel that this is a type of post-race blues: youve put in long hours training for boston, it came and went and now you don’t have anything like that to look forward too. i feel similar as i ignored massive amounts of work and, oh look!, the semester ends in two weeks oops. but you’ll get through this tough time. because you are a strong person
I wish I had great words of wisdom but I don’t. I will just send you some hugs!!!!!
I hear going back to school is all the rage for curing a mid-life crisis…(whistle.)
OMG that’s awesome that no one has moved in, isn’t it? I actually have no hot tips, except: go easy on yourself.
P.S. At least your house isn’t messy like Jana’s…
Jana – I’m kidding.
(((((Flo)))))
I’m so sorry you are struggling right now. The big races always send me into a tailspin, too, and cause me to re-examine everything in my life, and never in a positive light. I don’t do well without a goal to focus on. You’ll get your mojo back. Until you do, we’re here for you!
Much love,
Sara
I don’t know what to say to help but I hope you feel better soon. Just hang in there Flo
Oh Flo, sweet funny Flo. Yes, I’m sure it’s at least partly post-marathon blues, but I know it’s more than that. One of the dangers of marathon training is that it can become so all-consuming that it’s all too easy to other areas of our life.
You’re an intelligent, whip-smart, beautiful woman and you’ll land back on your feet (or I’ll come back there and pick you up and put you back on them.) I can’t pretend to be able to tell you what to do right now. I guess I can tell you what I would probably do – give myself permission to wallow for a week, and let the post-race blues dwindle. Then make a plan. Or say that I would make a plan and not do it after all. OK, I can’t even recommend you do what I would do… Never mind.
I wish I weren’t 3000 miles away again. I’d love to buy you a drink, take you out to ice cream, find some booty for you, or at least wrap you up in a warm hug.
Take care, Flo! Kisses…
I LOVE YOU PEOPLE!!! Thank you for not laughing at me and my wallow-fest. You guys are insanely sweet (and too funny, Mary).
I’m feeling better now. A couple hours after I posted this I booked a voiceover job (another gig for SFMOMA where I play that dog, lol) and I just now gritted my teeth and made a couple new web pages for one of my most boring websites, something I’ve been avoiding like the plague, so at least I’ve started some forward movement. It’s that feeling of inertia that was doing me in.
(((((((Daleen,Priyanka,Stevi,Tobey,Jana,Nina,Karyn,Christi,BlackBear,Sara,Runforlife,Barb)))))))
Flo, you need to ditch some of these online friends. They’re too good! Being surrounded by love is suffocating you.
Anyway, glad you’re feeling better now. Once the marathon recovery is done and you’re into all-consuming 5k training you’ll be firing on all cylinders — I was going to say “you’ll be right as rain”, but there’s nothing right about rain for runners!
All I can offer is keep moving forward and trust that this too shall pass.
Flo, you are fabulous. You pour your heart out here and we get to live vicariously through the ups and downs. In reading your thoughts week after week, it becomes readily apparent that you are “good people”. And good things happen to good people. Maybe not always on the time frame we want, but things will go your way. I’ve been dealing with crap of my own and there are times where it seems insurmountable or hopeless, but you just have to remember that the cloudy sky will in fact clear up, usually sooner rather than later. Hang in there, we’re sending positive vibes your way.
More hugs ((((((Ewen, Joe, Todd)))))). Sorry to hear that you’ve been having your own sets of crap, Daleen and Todd. Hope everything is on the mend.
Baby, you’re not flawed. You’re HUMAN! It’s HARD, hard, HARD to open yourself up after feeling burned, hurt, or disappointed. Being alone can play tricks on your mind, but so can a bad relationship. Plus, after a marathon, a huge thing (training) is missing. You had a high of the race and exciting weekend, now… nothing. There will be new goals, new things in your life to make you feel good again. Just be patient. Man or no man, you are AWESOME!!!!!! (((HUGS)))) +1 to Todd, all problems are temporary. Knowing that has kept me going through some serious crap.
Yup, post race, post amazing-weekend blues. I’m feeling it too. You’ll be fine. Hugs.
Hey Flo, Congrats on a great race. And you know the reason that people go from one marathon right into the next is so that can’t allow themselves to feel all the things that come up when you have time to feel them. So good for you for going with it, even though it does suck, in the end it will be great.
And even more hugs ((((((LA, Jim, Hilary)))))) What a lucky gal am I to know you big-hearted souls. Happy sigh.