The NYT had a timely article on recovering from heat stroke that about 300 people sent me in the last two days. :-)  It was debated on the forums whether I had heat stroke or heat exhaustion, though the doctors called it heat stroke, to some it didn’t sound as serious as that.  On the other hand, I had mental symptoms that are heat stroke related and not in the realm of heat exhaustion (hallucinations and blackout).  Not knowing any of the lab results except creatinine levels, I can’t supply information to say either way.

Regardless of which one it was, I’m taking a week off.  This is partly because of the article’s recommendation, but also due to the crazy panicked thoughts I had while laying there that first hour thinking this was a sign that I’m a horrible runner, an ego-driven poseur, and should stop racing, possibly even running for a few months.

Lying in that bed, I was devising a Plan B where I’d become a true recreational runner (as in, no longer racing) and how I’d just go out without training for anything, just to run.  It didn’t seem like the worst thing in the world, it even calmed me down, knowing I’d find joy in that, too.  But it was devoid of “special” which made me sad while at the same time, seemed what I deserved, given my quest for special is what got me in the hospital to begin with.

This stuff is embarrassing to admit, btw, because ego can be so ugly, but at the same time, can anyone who wants to win not be driven by ego?  Isn’t that part and parcel, no matter the level? Even if you remove the prospect of winning, our race times are our badges of success.  Not sure what I’m getting at here, back to the bed…

Out of all these contemplations came a few truths.  Like the fact that I’ve never really stepped back from training since I starting running.  I’ll take breaks in between cycles but they’re never lazy breaks, I’m always at the very least focused on mileage or doing something training-wise to improve.  Maybe that’s why my speed took a step back this past year, perhaps I got stale.

Also, when I had those hallucinations I thought I might have done something irreparable to myself, and later, when talking to my hospital roommate who’d been dealing with Lupus and Crohn’s for 18 years…well, these sorts of things give a new perspective.  Instead of thinking, “I have to get back on the road asap, I’ll take 2 days off but that’s it!” which was honestly my first inclination, I am now happily going to sit on my ass for 7 days.

It’s not about how many miles I’ll rack up this week (or won’t) it’s about being lucky enough to run and race and have all the parts working.  It’s about recharging.  It’s about looking forward to the future.  It’s about running as a way of life and not a weekly mileage/pace victory.

Of course, this Zen zaniness will probably fly out the window on Monday, when I start training for the PhillyHalfDistanceRockMarathonRunNRoll or whatever we’re calling it these days, but at least for the first time since taking up the sport I’m able to have these thoughts at all.  I consider this a win.

Edit: From some responses, I sense I didn’t write this post very clearly.  For the record, I’m still into racing 100% and not at all ready to become a “hobby jogger”.  And I’m loving this week off, letting my legs, ankle and brain get some needed rest.  And I prefer white chocolate over dark.  Wait, that wasn’t in there.  But it’s true.

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