Archive for November, 2010

Sometimes I really wish I knew what the fuck is wrong with me.  I mean, aside from the fact that I’m an obvious mental case who spends way too much time in my own head.

The Great
The great was Sunday’s long run.  It ranks up there as one of my two favorite runs ever.  The other one was an 18-miler @ MP+10% (it averaged 8:06s) back in September 2009 while training for Philly – a run so surprisingly effortless, it sticks out brightly in the memory banks.

Sunday was a 17-miler I took into the trails.  I had to purposely keep the brakes on for the first half,  my legs itching to hit low 8s but I was afraid I’d be pooped on the way back if I did.  The first half averaged 8:30s, 2nd half I let loose with all sub8s, averaging 8:14 for the run.  And this was my longest of the cycle.  Once I got home, I felt as if I’d just gone 13 or so and I’m usually tired the last 3 miles of a 17.  It was weird and wonderful.

Yesterday was a 5mi recovery run @8:43.

The Suck
The suck of the suck is that today didn’t actually suck!  But I started it sucking a day early.  I knew I had a pretty dense speed session (4.5mi of fast) so yesterday I was getting anxious about it as well as the race this weekend.  I even opened up that mental happy running book “Running Within” before I left the house today, looking for some straws to grasp to make me feel better about the bad performance I was sure I was going to have.

The irony of ironies is that if I’d used the watch part of my Garmin instead of average lap pace (you all know I use the park markers to keep myself honest), I might not have been so bummed.  Usually, the Garmin shows too much distance which makes you think you’re doing better, but today, it did the opposite, though my first mile did genuinely suck.

Target paces are in brackets.

Workout was 2 warmup, then 3xmi@10k pace (6:48) w/ 2 min rec’s, 2x.5mi@5k pace (6:27) 2/ 2min rec’s, 4x200m@ mi pace (whatever the fuck I could manage) w/ full recoveries. 10 miles total.

Splits for the miles started badly but got better 6:58, 6:49, 6:46.  I thought I was doing much worse for the 5k part (thought I was doing 6:40 pace) so I decided to cut those to .25mi instead.  Funny enough, when I got home and saw the actual times, I was right on it, both coming out to 6:28 pace.  The 200s are whatever since I don’t have a way to measure 1/8 of a mile out there, and the Garmin went wonky in the middle of those but by that point, I was totally beaten down mentally.

And I was debating whether I should share this because I really do hate that I’m such a whiner, but I figure it’s best to be honest, especially when the feelings are as strong as this.  And for the record, none of these are made up, it’s a portion of what was going through my head.

A list of what I thought out there

1. Maybe I should stop racing for a year
2. Maybe I should race a lot more
3. Maybe I should stop being honest on my blog about the way I feel
4. I need to ask Adam again if I should dumb down my training paces
5. I’m going to dumb down my training paces
6. If I weigh the same as when I was racing so well, why am I not racing well?
7. Where has my fitness gone?????
8. I don’t want to do the race this weekend
9. How can I get out of the race this weekend?
10. I know why I don’t race well, I suck under pressure
11. Why do I put myself through this when the thing I love is training, not racing?
12. If I hear “run without a watch” I’ll scream, the fun for me is the time element.
13. Maybe these faster paces are biting me in the ass
14. I should just be happy to be ok for my age
15. I hate that everyone around me is getting better and I’m trying but it’s not happening
16. I’m a weird person and need to get out in the world more
17. Good thing I’m single because if there was anyone at home, they’d want to leave me
18. I don’t want to do this for 1 mile, how am I going to do this for 6?
19. I hate the way this feels, it feels too hard
20. My heart rate isn’t even that high, WTF?
21. How can I learn to love racing again and not be afraid of myself?
22. What do I say I’m shooting for for this stupid race?
23. I hate that whatever goal pace I say will not happen.
24. I should ask people on the blog what they would do if they were me but I’m not sure I want to know

I’m sure if I spent a little more time, I could remember even more, but these were just on the top of my head.  Sucks, don’t it?